Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theater and less time on sport. How far do you agree with this statement?
In today's world, our young generation spends a lot of
time
on spiritual activities such
as music and theatre and do
not pay attention Correct subject-verb agreement
does
for
Change preposition
to
sport
. I strongly disagree with this
opinion because it can damage their health and career progression. One of the main reason
is that Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
people
do not spend time
on sport
because they are inspired by other things, Fix the agreement mistake
sports
such
as music or theatre and they do not want to achieve their goals . Therefore
, if they put a lot of effort for
it, they will be tired. Change preposition
into
As a result
, it can leads
to serious problems with Change the verb form
lead
heath
, Correct your spelling
health
such
as obesity or diabet
, as they have a sedentary lifestyle. Correct your spelling
diabetes
For instance
, nowadays the majority of teenagers who spend less time
are suffering with
health problems . Change preposition
from
Resent
research found that approximately over half of young Correct your spelling
Recent
people
have the
obesity, Correct article usage
apply
while
young people
who spend more time
for
Change preposition
on
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
very
well-being. Another reason is that a lack of Add a missing verb
have very
sport
experience in Fix the agreement mistake
sports
the
Correct article usage
apply
life
can negatively impacted
Change the verb form
impact
be impacted
on
future career progression. Change preposition
apply
Because nowadays
, if Correct word choice
Nowadays
young
population do not have Correct article usage
the young
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
achievements
an achievement
achievements
in their career, they will not accepted to work. For instance
, in today's world
most Add a comma
world,
of
organizations and companies require Change preposition
apply
people
who have a splendid
Correct the article-noun agreement
splendid achievements
a splendid achievement
achievements
as these companies provided
a wide range of events to apply Wrong verb form
provide
achievements
of their workers. Correct article usage
the achievements
A statistics
showed that over 80 % of young Correct article usage
Statistics
people
did not accepted
to work as they did not have Change the verb form
accept
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
achievements
an achievement
achievements
in the sport
. In conclusion, the
young Correct article usage
apply
people
should be more confident and responsible for their future life
to prevent Fix the agreement mistake
lives
this
issues which might damage their Correct determiner usage
these
life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
However
, if they had a chance to spend more time
on sport
, they would have a benevolent life
.Submitted by dimash171206 on
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Task Response
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt but lacks depth and clarity. More focused arguments and examples are needed to fully address the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay shows some structure and organization, but there are issues with the introduction and conclusion. More cohesive devices and a better logical flow would improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion