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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the percentage of households owning four types of electronic devices between 1995 and 2015.

The chart below shows the percentage of households owning four types of electronic devices between 1995 and 2015.
The
linegraph
Correct your spelling
line graph
 illustrates
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of
households
Use synonyms
 with electronic devices from 1995 to 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 and
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the top of the
linegraph
Correct your spelling
line graph
 as
households
Use synonyms
 with
electronics
Replace the word
electronic
show examples
 devices tallest. And lower is mp3 player and tablet In 1995 the number of
mp3
Correct your spelling
MP3
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player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
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was start
Change the verb form
started
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 below 20%, over 20 years the
percent
Replace the word
percentage
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 of
households
Use synonyms
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
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over
Change preposition
to over
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 40% in 2015.
Besides
Linking Words
 the table
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
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 at 0% and
reach
Correct subject-verb agreement
reaches
show examples
 the highest point of over 80% in 2015. At the same time, the mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 and computer
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 two percentage
households
Use synonyms
 tallest in 1995 to 2015, the mobile
phone
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
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 1995 to 2000 started at 8% increase
gruadually
Correct your spelling
gradually
 about 70% electronic devices and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
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 a peak at over 90% and hit
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 top spot. The computer
also
Linking Words
start
Change the verb form
starts
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 at 8% and
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 steadily over the 20-year period. In 2015, it peaked at 90%, which is equal to mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words households, phone with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • households
  • electronic devices
  • ownership percentage
  • technological advancements
  • consumer behavior
  • market saturation
  • obsolescence
  • innovation
  • trends
  • emerging technologies
  • comparison
  • speculate
  • significance
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