IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses for communities in poorer countries. Why young people choose to do so? Who will benefit more: young people or the communities? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #countries #time #work #houses #communities #benefit
Nowadays,
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of
youngers
Correct your spelling
youngsters
show examples
 who are living in developed
countries
 prefer to help poor communities
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
 from
teaching
Correct article usage
the teaching
show examples
 and construction
feild
Correct your spelling
field
. They did it in
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
 period
however
 most
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
benefits
earn
Wrong verb form
earned
show examples
this
 work
not
Add a missing verb
were not
show examples
 only
poor
Change preposition
for poor
show examples
 society but
also
social
Change preposition
for social
show examples
 workers.
This
 essay will discuss about reasons and benefits
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 helping poor
people
 from those
volunteers
 and
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 paragraphs will illustrate it.
The most
Correct article usage
Most
show examples
 young
volunteers
 from well-developed
countries
 like to help poor communities in
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
 time period
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their their lives. Because they love to work as social supporters and workers for their own satisfaction. They can improve poor
people
's knowledge,
social
Correct word choice
and social
show examples
 and physical well-being from teaching and building constructions. As an example, students migrate to African
countries
 after their higher education
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 teach to children in African schools as
volunteers
. They like to help each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
 in that way. The rich young
people
 migration earn
high
Change the article
a high
the high
show examples
 number of benefits to poor
people
as well as
 those
volunteers
.
As
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the one side, poor citizens can improve their knowledge and social status from those social supporters.
Moreover
, they can increase their economic level
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 selling goods and providing services to social workers. Despite that factor,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
young
volunteers
also
 can earn advantages from their migration. Obviously, they can collect so many experiences for their life and they can gain their knowledge wildly.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion,
this
 essay discussed
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the reasons
of migrate
Change preposition
for migrating
show examples
 rich young
people
 to poor
countries
 and
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 for both sides. I believe
this
 may be a good improvement
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 young
people
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
worldwide.
Submitted by savithra on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: