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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the contribution of three sectors-agriculture, manufacturing and business and financial services-to the UK economy in the twentieth cenutury. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the contribution of three sectors-agriculture, manufacturing and business and financial services-to the UK economy in the twentieth cenutury. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#contribution #three #sectors-agriculture #business #services-to #uk #economy #cenutury #information #features #comparisons
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The following graph depicts three main fields that influenced the
economy
 of the UK in
twentieth
Change the article
the twentieth
show examples
 century in percentages. Those fields include
agriculture
, manufacturing,
business
 and
finance
.
Overall
, in the first half of the 20th
century
Add a comma
,century
show examples
agriculture
 played a huge role in the
economy
 of the UK, unlike
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the second half because
business
 and
finance
 became more important during that period of time. We can observe
downward
Add an article
a downward
show examples
 trend in
agriculture
 and manufacturing, and
upward
Correct article usage
an upward
show examples
 trend in the influence of
business
 and financial
sectors
.
Agriculture
 made up almost 50%,
manufactoring aroung
Correct your spelling
manufacturing around
 45%, and
contribution
Correct article usage
the contribution
show examples
 of
finance
 and
business
 was less than 10% of the
economy
 of the UK, in 1900. From 1950 until 1975,
impact
Add an article
the impact
show examples
 of each of these
sectors
 except
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 manufacturing increased. Manufacturing made up less than 40% of the
economy
.
However
, the
conribution
Correct your spelling
contribution
 of
agriculture
 made up more than 60%, and
finance
 and
business
 made up almost 10% of the
economy
. In 1975, the influence of both
agriculture
 and manufacturing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased, they made up almost 10% and more than 30%, respectively. The contribution of
business
Correct article usage
the business
show examples
 and financial
sectors
 kept increasing,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 made up approximately 20 of the
economy
.
Lastly
 in
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2000,
impact
Correct article usage
the impact
show examples
 of
agriculture
 and manufacturing continued decreasing,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 made up less
10
Change preposition
than 10
show examples
% and around 15%, respectively. But the contribution of the
business
 and financial
sectors
 increased dramatically, it made up around 40% of the
economy
.
Submitted by Ayan on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words economy, agriculture, business, finance, sectors with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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