The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevan

#show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons #relevan

When looking at the pie

chart

you’ll see the time spent by working

adults

in a country, The first

chart

Change preposition

from

show examples

the

Change the article

apply

show examples

1958

while

the other one is

Change preposition

from

show examples

2008

its

Replace the word

it's

it is

show examples

quiet

Correct your spelling

quite

show examples

a time jump so we

could

Wrong verb form

can

show examples

, See the different

percentage

Fix the agreement mistake

percentages

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

very different times. By looking at the

chart

you

could

Wrong verb form

can

show examples

see that in both of these

times

Add a comma

,times

show examples

work took a big chunk of time, For working

adults

While

working it

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

a higher percentage in

the

Change the article

apply

show examples

2008 mainly because of online working, Now your peers could call you, message you and even video call you to show their

proplem

Correct your spelling

problems

face to face in a sense.

Overall

you could say both of these times were

simaler

Correct your spelling

similar

simpler

to each other when it comes to working hours.

While

working took more than others percentages, Sleeping took the second

pleace

Correct your spelling

place

. when you look at the

chart

you could say that working

adults

in 1958

are

Wrong verb form

were

show examples

sleeping more than

adults

in 2008.

Submitted by hmody_b on Tue Sep 19 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

▼

Introduction: The introduction is missing.

▼

Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.

▼

Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

▼

Contractions: Don't use contractions.

▼

Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, adults with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.

▼

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2Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

161 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The number of zoos in some countries has increased. Some people think they are cruel and should be banned. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people say history is one of the most important subjects. Other people think that, in today's world , subjects like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.