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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The bar chart provides information about percentage change

The bar chart provides information about percentage change
#bar #information #percentage #change
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The most compelling argument in favour of learning additional
subjects
Use synonyms
 pertains to the increased possibility of acquiring moral values in life. To elaborate, some students wish to broaden their horizons not only in academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 in other extra papers.
For example
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, Environmental science is still present in the engineering degree syllabus. Even though
this
Linking Words
 course is not related to their stream, it provides essential lessons
such
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 as ways to avoid strain on resources, pollution reduction, etc. Few
people
Use synonyms
 assume that studying these courses acts as a bit of relaxation when reading academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 continuously without a break. Few students presume that studying only
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 will improve the grades of those papers. To explain, if they spend all their studying hours in these
subjects
Use synonyms
, improvement in their scores will be evident.
Also
Linking Words
, there is no probability of distraction and can entirely concentrate on those
subjects
Use synonyms
 which are crucial for their careers.
For instance
Linking Words
, during the recruitment process, companies check only for the scores of the main
subjects
Use synonyms
.
Accordingly
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,ranking is provided among students. I believe the differences should be learnt at the early
age
Use synonyms
 of the kids when they possess an increased memory power and remember things forever. In order to teach them the distinction, it is not necessary that only punishment can help.
Additionally
Linking Words
,the type of action which should be used completely depends on the kid.
For example
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, for some children, explaining in a practical way can make them understand.
while
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 for a few, demonstrating the consequences of doing a bad thing is the perfect choice. A similar trend is seen for good purposes. The bar chart provides the statistics regarding the proportion of different
age
Use synonyms
 groups of British
people
Use synonyms
 lending cash to
charity
Use synonyms
 in the years 1990 and 2010.
Overall
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, in the former year, the maximum amount contributed was from the 36-50
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 ,
while
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 that was from the 51-65
group
Use synonyms
 in the latter year. To embark on, in the initial period considered, the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who spent on
charity
Use synonyms
 increases, as the
age
Use synonyms
group
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 increases till
age
Use synonyms
 50 to reach around 45%. After which, only 35% of the 51-65
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 provided monetary to the
charity
Use synonyms
,
However
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,
this
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 figure
further
Linking Words
 decreased to approximately 31% from
age
Use synonyms
 groups above 65. It is evident that ,in 2010, only 5% of
people
Use synonyms
 contributed from the 18-25
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
. The number of
people
Use synonyms
 helping
charity
Use synonyms
 increased till the 65
age
Use synonyms
 which was about to touch 40%.
This
Linking Words
 was the highest percentage recorded in that year.
In contrast
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, the
people
Use synonyms
's count decreased to 35% in the above ages. The few children disobeyed
Correct article usage
the
show examples
government
,.
Change the punctuation
,
.
show examples
 Some
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to get employed before going to university. The map depicts the changes in a town at present as compared to how it looked in past.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are quite a few alterations in the layout. Some
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to get employed before going to a university. They want to complete the course before joining the
collegewith
Correct your spelling
college with
 economic stabilisation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Some
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to go for a job in terms of completing their courses. The graph, displaying fluctuations, exhibited a progressive increase followed by a decrease, culminating at 12 P.M. It showed a decrement trend .
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, for example, overall, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words subjects, people, age, charity, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "provides" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 6 times.
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