IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
It is
known
Correct article usage
a known
show examples
 fact that
cities
urbanization
 happens in many countries around the world. The
population
 in the
villages
 and small towns reduces
while
 the number of
people
 living in big
cities
raises
Correct your spelling
rises
show examples
 every year. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 the
urbanization
 of
cities
brings
Verb problem
has
show examples
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impact on development and
level
Correct article usage
the level
show examples
 of
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 life There are many
cities
 around the world where
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 overgrew 10 million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
,
while
 small towns and
villages
 have
dissapeared
Correct your spelling
disappeared
.
Mostry
Correct your spelling
Most of
this
 happens in developing countries where
people
 are moving to big
cities
 with
hope
Correct article usage
the hope
show examples
to find
Change preposition
of finding
show examples
 better income and
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 for their families. The main reason for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urbanization
 is
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 crises when
people
 in
villages
,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
 who work in agriculture,
left
Add a missing verb
are left
show examples
 without support from
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 and cannot continue their
buiseness
Correct your spelling
business
.
This
 leads to
reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
show examples
 of agricultural production in the country and
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 rise
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
prices
Correct article usage
the prices
show examples
 of products.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
grouth
Correct your spelling
growth
 of
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
population
 results
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 high demands
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
increases
Correct word choice
and increases
show examples
 stress
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 and
this
 can result in
criminal
Add an article
the criminal
show examples
 situation getting worse. Another significant negative impact
urbanization
 has on the
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
.
Huge
Add an article
A huge
The huge
show examples
population
 of
people
 in big
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
 increases
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of transport used daily,
this
 affects the level of noise
polution
Correct your spelling
pollution
 and
polution
Correct your spelling
pollution
 from
usage
Add an article
the usage
show examples
 of fossil fuels. The air in most big
cities
 around the world is not healthy for
people
 and animals, it is contaminated
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 all the factories and transport. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 I believe that enormous huge
cities
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 negative impact on
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 needs to find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ways to make it attractive for
people
 to move from
cities
 to
villages
 in order to improve agricultural production.
Submitted by roulaga on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: