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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Prevention is better than cure".Out of country's health budget,a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on preventive measures. To what extend do you agree?

#prevention #cure #country #health #budget #proportion #treatment #measures
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There might always be better to prevent than to cure. Not only in a
health
Use synonyms
-related sector, but we might possibly find familiar in
such
Linking Words
 manufacturers, in architecture, and so on. Focusing on the country's
health
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 treatment, in many developing countries, most of their budget allocation is earmarked for curing treatment. Especially in
Indonesia
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, the Ministry of Public
Health
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
manage
Correct subject-verb agreement
manages
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 a Social Security Administrator called BPJS. BPJS is quite similar to what we call
Health
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 Insurance. Indonesian People pay a monthly due based on the rate they select, starting from 80,000 thousand rupiah up to 300,000 thousand rupiah. Whatever the diseases are, they can just directly go to the hospital, and ask for an observation or special treatment if they are indicated of serious diagnosis. Those expenses surely are covered by The Government, and make it the biggest expense.
On the other hand
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,
Indonesia
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 faces a variety of issues related to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
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condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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. Stunting is
Indonesia
Use synonyms
's biggest issue, followed by Tuberculosis and non-infectious diseases,
such
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 as mental
health
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. Imagine if
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 allocated their budget to fulfill nutritional necessities,
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also
Correct word choice
and also
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 to educate all mothers and children about preventing stunting.
Also
Linking Words
 what if
Indonesia
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collaborate
Change the verb form
collaborates
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 with the Psychologists' Association and state-owned and Private Enterprises, to create a policy about monitoring their employees' mental condition
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 The country will create fine and healthy generations if they can make a balance in how they treat their people to keep them healthy, from preventing diseases to curing them of serious ones.
Submitted by semangatbanget.s2 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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