Some people state that schools should have a social responsibility to encourage children not to eat junk food. Others believe that parents should take responsibility for their children's eating habits. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

These days many
kids
are eating
junk
food
. So, some people think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools should teach the
children
about risks of
junk
food
,
while
others believe that the
parents
have the biggest role and they should teach their
children
about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy
food
.
This
essay will discuss both sides and will draw my personal conclusion.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
hand, the
kids
see their
parents
as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
and learn many things from them, which make the
parents
the most important source for their
children
.
For example
, if the
parents
was
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
eating a lot of unhealthy
food
the
kids
will
copying
Wrong verb form
copy
show examples
them, and if the
parents
teach their
kids
about
dangers
Correct article usage
the dangers
show examples
of
junk
food
the
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
will understand the problem because they see their
parents
. So that
why
Add a missing verb
is why
show examples
some people think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
should take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibility.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
the other hand, some may think that school is the second house for the
children
, so they should take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibility and teach the
kids
about the risks of
junk
food
, to illustrate,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kids
in general
Add the comma(s)
, in general,
show examples
they influenced by society, so if the school make an event for health
food
and the eating bad habits, they should give the
kids
lessons about how they transition from unhealthy
food
for
a healthy
Remove the article
healthy food
a portion of healthy food
show examples
food
and good habits.
For instance
, they set a day for the
children
to bring a healthy breakfast and
shere
Correct your spelling
share
it with their friends. In conclusion, after a careful analysis of both points of view, I believe that both the
parents
and schools should take responsibility for the
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
show examples
bad habits.
Submitted by Raseelberry on

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Fully explain your ideas

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social responsibility
  • encourage
  • junk food
  • nutrition education
  • nutritious meals
  • physical activities
  • role models
  • healthy food choices
  • access
  • create a healthy environment
  • primary responsibility
  • limit
  • responsibility
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