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Writing Samples
Band 5

The diagram below shows the floor plan of a public library 20 years ago and how it looks now. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features , and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the floor plan of a public library 20 years ago and how it looks now. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features , and make comparisons where relevant.
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The presented diagram depicts the changes which took place in the floor plan of a mutual library 20 years ago and in the present. As is observed, all segments of the library have dramatically changed
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 20 years ago until now, only with the exception of the entrance. To commence with the western part of the map, CDs,videos and computer games have
completely
Add a missing verb
been completely
show examples
 removed and replaced by storytelling events,two sizable sofas and children's fiction
books
Use synonyms
.
moreover
Linking Words
, adult fantasy
books
Use synonyms
 have been displaced by all reference ones. Not only the
books
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 the reading room given its place to the computers. The most remarkable
alter
Replace the word
alteration
show examples
 happens to the middle part ,which includes the tables and chairs ,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
was abolished after 20 years.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in the eastern part both children,
adult
Correct word choice
and adult
show examples
 non-fiction
books
Use synonyms
 were changed by the lecture room and adult fiction booklet respectively.Not only
they
Add a missing verb
did they
show examples
 change but
also
Linking Words
 an information desk with self-service machines was added next to booklets. In a similar fashion, the enquiry desk was replaced by
Cafe
Correct article usage
a Cafe
show examples
.The only chunk that didn't change at all was the entrance.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words books with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 5 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • floor plan
  • public library
  • layout
  • reading area
  • computer station
  • multimedia section
  • children's area
  • reference section
  • study cubicles
  • shelving units
  • digital media
  • technological advancements
  • user behavior
  • accessibility
  • traffic flow
  • modernization
  • community needs
  • conversion
  • allocation
  • removal
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