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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Task 1: The first chart below shows the percentages of women and men in a country involved in some kinds of home tasks (cooking, cleaning, pet caring and repairing the house). The second chart shows the amount of time each gender spent on each task per day.

Task 1: The first chart below shows the percentages of women and men in a country involved in some kinds of home tasks (cooking, cleaning, pet caring and repairing the house). The second chart shows the amount of time each gender spent on each task per day.
#first #percentages #women #men #country #kinds #home #tasks #pet #house #second #amount #time #gender
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The given charts illustrate the proportion of
men
Use synonyms
 and counterparts in a country in different home tasks ( cooking, cleaning, taking
care
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 of
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pet
Fix the agreement mistake
pets
show examples
, and
house
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 repairing ) and
also
Linking Words
 display the
time
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 each task demands comparing between genders per day.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that the figures for cooking and cleaning are highest for both
men
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 and
women
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.
Also
Linking Words
, people of both genders spend the least amount of
time
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 on
house
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repairs
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. To commence with, the proportion of
men
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 involved in cooking is highest, at 60%
while
Linking Words
 the opposite is true for
house
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repairs
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, at only about 18%.
Similarly
Linking Words
, 82% of
women
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 do cooking, as opposed to about 8% for
house
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 repair work.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, males doing cleaning work at home make up 40%, and the figure is 22% lower than that for
women
Use synonyms
 doing the same chore.
Lastly
Linking Words
, around 20% of
men
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 and
women
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 are involved in
pet
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care
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. Moving to the second graph,
men
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 spend an hour daily on cooking and 45
minutes
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 on
house
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 cleaning. Interestingly, the amount of
time
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 males spend on
pet
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care
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 and
house
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repairs
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 does not exceed 20
minutes
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 per day. About
women
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, they spend most of their
time
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 cooking, about 85
minutes
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 the converse holds true for
house
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repairs
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, only 5
minutes
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 every day. About an hour is spent on cleaning work by
women
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, which is around three times as much as
pet
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care
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 chores.
Submitted by namle.ivce on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, care, pet, house, time, women, repairs, minutes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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