Some people think international events such as the Olympic Games are important and can bring nations together. Others, however, think that they are a waste of money as the money could be spent elsewhere on more important issues. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

These days, there are debates between
people
about why governments should set up international competitions like the Olympic
Games
and some
people
think it is so important because I met different nations thanks to it. ,
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
Some of us believe that it is west of money and governments had better spend it on another culture's problems. In today's essay, I will shed light on both of the viewpoints and give my personal opinion. Let me take an example by looking at why
this
gigantic program has huge advantages.
Firstly
, athletes are involved in different cultures to compete for nearly 70/80
games
.
Therefore
the place where
people
have to gather before coming here they need to buy tickets to watch these
games
and it continues for about a month. It is able to bring huge benefits for the country's economy and could renew the transport system around
this
area.
In addition
,
due to
its international popularity, lots of young generations are becoming interested in sport. Organizing,
on the other hand
, takes plenty of time for
this
event and demands a lot of money, so money can have a better way to spend said
people
.
For instance
, promoting athletes with special clothes, food,
drinks
Correct word choice
and drinks
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. It is a huge expenditure. Having said that government spend approximately 10.000$ per athlete during the event,
instead
Add a comma
instead,
show examples
they should pay attention to poor families who live near the place where organized Olympic
games
are. In conclusion, in developed and developing countries governments had better establish
this
type of cases because without competition we have never achieved the things that we have today.
Submitted by Mr. Big on

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Task Achievement
The essay shows some points related to the topic, but the arguments lack depth and development. Ensure to fully address all parts of the task and provide a more comprehensive discussion of the issues.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and fully developed introduction and conclusion. Ensure to provide a clear introduction that introduces the main ideas and a conclusion that summarizes the key points and provides a final perspective.

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