IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The provided line graph depicts differences in the amount and type of fast food consumed between 1975 and 2000 by teenagers in Australia.

The provided line graph depicts differences in the amount and type of fast food consumed between 1975 and 2000 by teenagers in Australia.
The lower curve depicts differences in the amount and type of fast food consumed between 1975 and 2000 by teenagers in Australia. It can be clearly seen that in 1975 the most popular food
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 Australian teenagers
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fish and chips compared with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hamburgers and pizza
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 were
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 popular.
However
Linking Words
, by 2000, trends were
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dramaticaly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 changed. In 1975,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hamburgers and pizza were one of the least popular
meal
Change to a plural noun
meals
show examples
 among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young people. The number of
times
Use synonyms
 eaten per year
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 nearly only ten and 5 respectively, in comparison with
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 100 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fish and chips. But in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 years
Correct article usage
the sitation
show examples
sitation
Correct your spelling
situation
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 changed significantly.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
remarkable
Correct article usage
a remarkable
show examples
 fluctuation between 1975 and 1985 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fish and chips consumption, and by 2000,
Linking Words
then
Rephrase
apply
show examples
these dropped suddenly from around 95 to 38
times
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the intake
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 hamburgers in the same 1975-1985 period rocketed from approximately 10 to 85
times
Use synonyms
 per year.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the trend was upward and
then
Linking Words
 levelled off. Meanwhile, between 1975 and 1995, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
also
Linking Words
dramatic
Add an article
a dramatic
show examples
 rise in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pizza eating. The number of
times
Use synonyms
 eaten per year increased from nearly 5 to 85
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
then
Linking Words
 levelled off.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 77%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words times with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "differences" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: