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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The flow chart shows the
process
Use synonyms
 of
cement
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 and how
cement
Use synonyms
 is used for making concrete
production
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that the
process
Use synonyms
 consists of a large number of steps, which can divided into two main points, namely
cement
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 and concrete
production
Use synonyms
. The
process
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 starts when mixing the limestone and the clay and ends with
concrete
Correct article usage
a concrete
show examples
mixer
Use synonyms
. To start with, limestone and clay are
combines
Wrong verb form
combined
show examples
 in the crusher to make a powder. Once the powder is already made,
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
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move
Correct subject-verb agreement
moves
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 into the
mixer
Use synonyms
 and
rotate
Correct subject-verb agreement
rotates
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in the rotating heater
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high temperature.
Then
Linking Words
, the grinder which
located
Add a missing verb
is located
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
under the rotating heater will filter the powder until it
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
cement
Use synonyms
. After that,
cement
Use synonyms
 will
pack
Wrong verb form
be packed
show examples
 into the bags. On the other side,
Correct article usage
the concrete
show examples
concrete making
Add a hyphen
concrete-making
show examples
process
Use synonyms
start
Change the verb form
starts
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from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 mixing
cement
Use synonyms
, water, sand, and gravel with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
percentage of 15%, 10%, 25%, and 50% respectively.
Concrete
Add an article
The concrete
A concrete
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mixer
Use synonyms
 will stir automatically by its body and wait until the concrete
mixer
Use synonyms
 is
stop
Wrong verb form
stopped
show examples
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, cement, production, mixer with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Crushed powder
  • Rotating heater
  • Grinding
  • Mixer
  • Furnace
  • Packaging
  • Proportion
  • Gravel
  • Rotating concrete mixer
  • Raw materials
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