IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The charts below show the results of a survey of the primary exercise objectives and locations of a selected group of adults between 20 and 50 years of age. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the results of a survey of the primary exercise objectives and locations of a selected group of adults between 20 and 50 years of age. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #results #survey #exercise #objectives #locations #group #adults #years #age #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The given pie charts give the
inforamation
Correct your spelling
information
 about activities that
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
people
 aged under 30 and over 30
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happy.
To begin
 with, it is indeed clear that achievement at work makes
people
 most satisfied.
people
 over 30
feels
Change the verb form
feel
show examples
 more pleased when they achieve their work
releted
Correct your spelling
related
 goals which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 one
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 more than
people
 under 30 age.
Secondly
,
people
 under 30 and mid-age
people
 both enjoy
to pursue
Change the verb form
pursuing
show examples
 their hobbies which is 22% and 24% respectively.
On the contrary
,
mid-aged
Correct your spelling
middle-aged
show examples
people
feels
Change the verb form
feel
show examples
 happy when they acquire financial security
whereas
people
 under 30
finds
Change the verb form
find
show examples
 joy in having a good appearance with almost 18%. fourteen
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 enjoy
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
 time with their family when they are in their
40's
Change noun form
40s
show examples
while
 young aged
people
feels
Correct subject-verb agreement
feel
show examples
 happy when they are travelling and exploring new places. If we see other factors which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not clarified
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it holds 10% of happiness in over 30 age and 12% in aged under 30
people
. All in all, work achievement and
pusuing
Correct your spelling
pursuing
pushing
 hobbies
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
people
 most happy
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ages.
Submitted by bhumikashah1414 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: