IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the results of a survey of the primary exercise objectives and locations of a selected group of adults between 20 and 50 years of age. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the results of a survey of the primary exercise objectives and locations of a selected group of adults between 20 and 50 years of age. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given pie charts give the
inforamation
Correct your spelling
information
 about activities that
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 aged under 30 and over 30
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happy.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is indeed clear that achievement at work makes
people
Use synonyms
 most satisfied.
people
Use synonyms
 over 30
feels
Change the verb form
feel
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 more pleased when they achieve their work
releted
Correct your spelling
related
 goals which
is
Change the verb form
are
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 one
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 more than
people
Use synonyms
 under 30 age.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 under 30 and mid-age
people
Use synonyms
 both enjoy
to pursue
Change the verb form
pursuing
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 their hobbies which is 22% and 24% respectively.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
mid-aged
Correct your spelling
middle-aged
show examples
people
Use synonyms
feels
Change the verb form
feel
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 happy when they acquire financial security
whereas
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 under 30
finds
Change the verb form
find
show examples
 joy in having a good appearance with almost 18%. fourteen
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
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 enjoy
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
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 time with their family when they are in their
40's
Change noun form
40s
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while
Linking Words
 young aged
people
Use synonyms
feels
Correct subject-verb agreement
feel
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 happy when they are travelling and exploring new places. If we see other factors which
is
Change the verb form
are
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 not clarified
but
Correct word choice
apply
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it holds 10% of happiness in over 30 age and 12% in aged under 30
people
Use synonyms
. All in all, work achievement and
pusuing
Correct your spelling
pursuing
pushing
 hobbies
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 most happy
in
Change preposition
at
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 both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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ages.

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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