IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#expenditure #three #categories #age #groups #residents #uk #summaries #information #features #comparisons
The given bar chart
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 information about the way British citizen spent their money based on some age group
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 3 main
area
Change to a plural noun
areas
show examples
 of spending in 2004.
Overall
, for the oldest people the highest categories
were belong
Change the verb form
belonged
show examples
 to food, drink and entertainment and the least was Restaurant and Hotel.
However
, for
younf
Correct your spelling
young
people
Add a comma
,people
show examples
Restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
Restaurants
show examples
 and
Hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
 become the prominent
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 of
spent
Change the form of the verb
spending
show examples
.
According to
 the data,
although
 most of the UK residents under 30 spend their earnings on
Restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
Restaurants
show examples
 and Hotel (almost 15%)
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when they
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 older the number
was plummeted
Change to the active voice
plummeted
has plummeted
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 dramatically
almost
Change preposition
to almost
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 0
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
However
, the number
then
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 gradually by 6% for those aged more than 76+.
On the other hand
,
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 under 30 only spent the least on Food, drink and entertainment
while
 for the people aged 46 until 70, it was the most area of spending until
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 the peak, almost 25 %
spesifically
Correct your spelling
specifically
 for those aged 61-76.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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