You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or try to get a job. You think he/she should get a job. Write a letter to this friend
Dear Mary,
I hope you are fine. I got your letter, yesterday and in my opinion it's better for you to get a job.
I feel you need a break from your studies as you told me many times that you're bored with learning. So,
this
break provides stress-free time and Linking Words
also
can give a hand to your mom's baking shop, which will be helpful when you turn to your family business.
I'm working part-time in KFC and earned 1000 pounds the previous month. I know there is some staff shortage in your bakery, work there for casual hours, you can make some pocket money that can be used for watching cinemas because that's Linking Words
your
Change the word
the
great
entertainment I Correct word choice
greatest
ever known
, or we use that money for the next year's university fees.
I always prefer part-timeAdd the auxiliary verb
knew
have ever known
than
Correct word choice
and
the
full-time jobs because can use the other time for Correct article usage
apply
my interests areas
. Please choose your job style as per your interest. I believe, my letter helps you well.
I'm eagerly waiting to see you soon.
With Love,
JuliaChange to a genitive case
the areas of my interest
the areas of my interests
Submitted by ansamerrin987 on
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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your letter by organizing your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Use a more appropriate greeting and closing for a formal letter.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
task achievement
Expand more on the reasons why you think getting a job is better.
task achievement
Maintain a consistent formal tone throughout the letter.