Big salary is much important than job satisfaction? Do you agree or disagree?

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Some people believe that earning a substantial amount of money is more important than job fulfilment. In my opinion, I completely agree with the idea that we should find

work

Use synonyms

satisfaction in workplaces rather than following the high-end jobs.

To begin

Linking Words

with, receiving a higher income as a salary often comes with various reasons.

For instance

Linking Words

, higher-paying positions tend to entail a lot of pressure, which can lead to stress and anxiety.

Consequently

Linking Words

, some

individuals

Use synonyms

may experience health problems,

such

Linking Words

as high blood pressure.

Additionally

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, certain job roles require extra working hours, including weekends when folk should be spending time with their families and friends.

This

Linking Words

may not be apparent at the outset;

however

Linking Words

individuals

Use synonyms

can become isolated, and some may even attempt to end their lives

due to

Linking Words

the loneliness caused by

this

Linking Words

strain. For these reasons, earning a high salary is not always beneficial for

individuals

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

, employees are more likely to be productive when they have a good

work

Use synonyms

-life balance. It is evident that people who endeavour in an enjoyable environment tend to remain in their jobs until retirement age.

This

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can contribute to the success of a business. People are less likely to resign frequently when they are content in their jobs.

Moreover

Linking Words

individuals

Use synonyms

in a happy

work

Use synonyms

environment have more time for their families, friends, and even their community outreach. It is now evident that having an enjoyable

work

Use synonyms

environment is more advantageous for

individuals

Use synonyms

. Take everything into consideration,

although

Linking Words

it is good to have a handsome salary

this

Linking Words

does not always lead to a better life. It is now clear that working in a good

work

Use synonyms

setting is more resilient than earning a big monthly income job.

Submitted by kokozay on Thu Sep 28 2023

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Language Use

There is repetition in the usage of the phrase 'it is now evident' in the second body paragraph and the conclusion. It might be better to use synonyms to avoid repetition.

Vocabulary

It is better to use 'people' instead of 'folk' in an academic and formal essay.

Style

Remember to strive for clear and concise wording. Instead of 'Take everything into consideration,' consider writing 'In conclusion.'

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

286 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

remuneration
financial security
motivation
luxuries
material possessions
fulfillment
work-life balance
stress levels
mental well-being
job security

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