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Band 7.5

Big salary is much important than job satisfaction? Do you agree or disagree?

#salary #job #satisfaction
Some people believe that earning a substantial amount of money is more important than job fulfilment. In my opinion, I completely agree with the idea that we should find
work
 satisfaction in workplaces rather than following the high-end jobs.
To begin
 with, receiving a higher income as a salary often comes with various reasons.
For instance
, higher-paying positions tend to entail a lot of pressure, which can lead to stress and anxiety.
Consequently
, some
individuals
 may experience health problems,
such
 as high blood pressure.
Additionally
, certain job roles require extra working hours, including weekends when folk should be spending time with their families and friends.
This
 may not be apparent at the outset;
however
,
individuals
 can become isolated, and some may even attempt to end their lives
due to
 the loneliness caused by
this
 strain. For these reasons, earning a high salary is not always beneficial for
individuals
.
On the other hand
, employees are more likely to be productive when they have a good
work
-life balance. It is evident that people who endeavour in an enjoyable environment tend to remain in their jobs until retirement age.
This
 can contribute to the success of a business. People are less likely to resign frequently when they are content in their jobs.
Moreover
,
individuals
 in a happy
work
 environment have more time for their families, friends, and even their community outreach. It is now evident that having an enjoyable
work
 environment is more advantageous for
individuals
. Take everything into consideration,
although
 it is good to have a handsome salary
this
 does not always lead to a better life. It is now clear that working in a good
work
 setting is more resilient than earning a big monthly income job.
Submitted by kokozay on

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Language Use
There is repetition in the usage of the phrase 'it is now evident' in the second body paragraph and the conclusion. It might be better to use synonyms to avoid repetition.
Vocabulary
It is better to use 'people' instead of 'folk' in an academic and formal essay.
Style
Remember to strive for clear and concise wording. Instead of 'Take everything into consideration,' consider writing 'In conclusion.'

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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