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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many graduates want to start their first job in a big corporation. Many others prefer to work for a small company first. What are the differences?

In various countries having high-rate education,
students
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 tend to apply for performance in their majors to improve their careers after graduating.
Therefore
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, it is essential for them to decide the suitable companies.
Also
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, these graduates believe that working in the syndicates is reasonable
to begin
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 their first career;
however
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, others had better production in privately owned groups. There are different benefits in both ways, which depend on each person's academic
level
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 and office orientation. These features are going to be analyzed and evaluated in
this
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 essay. In the first place, one of these differences when comparing working in a corporation or privately owned corporation is the academic
level
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. In fact, choosing suitable companies relies on the ability in theory and practice that can be illustrated on their resumes and interview results.
Students
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 will select wisely based on their perception of their
level
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 and the mentioned results during the learning process.
For instance
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, successful
students
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 want to be tasked in given syndicates to earn a high salary and have achievements
such
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 as being used to trial for a famous group in the US.
Moreover
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, other-
level
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 pupils will struggle in a privately owned group to improve gradually, making them comfortable to avoid depression when working.
In addition
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, another difference is the factors of each major. Not only are there different decisions
due to
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 academic matches, but they
also
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 choose because of professional aspects needing to be refined. Some occupations require experience and knowledge that will have been learned even if they are excellent.
Secondly
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, the job intention is the considerable differences when choosing companies.
Students
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 can begin in privately owned businesses, from that point, they will have knowledge and experience enough, or they want to be experts in their majors before challenging themselves to change to a big company. Alternatively, other graduates want to work in famous groups because they want to cooperate with impacted supervisors to develop significantly to become a prominent position in their field. After that, they can run their own company effectively through opportunities with partners. In conclusion, there are noticeably different advantages in both ways, which depend on each person's academic
level
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 and job orientation.

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structure
The essay has a good introduction and conclusion, but some sentences are convoluted, making the points hard to understand. Try simplifying the language for better clarity.
examples
The essay could benefit from clear, relevant examples to support each main point. Try providing more specific illustrations.
language
In some instances the language used is somewhat complex and formal. While this is appropriate in an academic context, some sentences could have been expressed in a far simpler way which would make them clearer to the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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