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Writing Samples
Band 5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant.
#proportion #population #three #countries #summarise #information #feature #comparisons
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The given line graph compares the aged
people
Use synonyms
 of
Sweden
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, the
USA
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 and
Japan
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 from 1940 and gives
projection
Correct article usage
a projection
show examples
 till 2040. As is observed from the line graph,
initially
Linking Words
 in 1940, the proportion of aged
people
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 who were over 64 years old was between 5 to 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 rate kept on increasing in the
USA
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 and
Sweden
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while
Linking Words
decreased
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
 in
Japan
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. After 40 years in 1989,
this
Linking Words
 percentage was around 15% both in
Sweden
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 and the
USA
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 it was only 2-3% in
Japan
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. The more
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aged
people
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 in a country the better the life expectancy and medical improvement and
this
Linking Words
 indicated the improvement in the
USA
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 and
Sweden
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while
Linking Words
downgrade
Correct article usage
the downgrade
show examples
 trend in
Japan
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. But after 2000, the rate of aged
people
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 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 kept increasing sharply and it is projected that in 2040 the number of aged
people
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 would surplus the number in
Sweden
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 and the
USA
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 though these latter two countries would
also
Linking Words
 have more aged
people
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 coming years they have now.
This
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 forecasts the life expectancy and medical advancement in
Japan
Use synonyms
 after 2030.
Submitted by afiorentino404346 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, sweden, usa, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "improvement" was used 2 times.
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