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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below show the post-school qualifications held by canadians in the age group 25 to 35 and 45 to 55

The graph below show the post-school qualifications held by canadians in the age group 25 to 35 and 45 to 55
The pie charts demonstrate some main fields that Canadians aged between 25 and 35 (
group
Use synonyms
 A), and between 45 and 55 (
group
Use synonyms
 B), held their post-school qualifications.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of Canadians aged from 25 to 35 holding a degree is more than twice compared to that of those aged from 45 to 55. The majority of the undergraduates from both
Use synonyms
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
 of people choose to
further
Linking Words
 their education in Social Science and Arts. There were
also
Linking Words
 increments in most of the sectors examined.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the proportion of students choosing Social Science and Art is the highest figures among the two groups, at 21% in
Group
Use synonyms
 A and 20% in
Group
Use synonyms
 B.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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