The line graph below gives information about the percentage of women aged 15-64 in employment between 2003 and 2009.

The line graph below gives information about the percentage of women aged 15-64 in employment between 2003 and 2009.
The line graph shows, the proportion of females aged between 15 and 64 in
employment
from 2003 to 2009 in five countries( Iceland-Canads-Germany-China and
Turkey
).
Overall
, The highest proportion of
employment
was in Iceland,
while
the lowest was in
Turkey
.
Furthermore
, Germany and China illustrate the increase in
employment
,
while
Iceland decreased.
In addition
, Canada had almost no change in the period given. In terms of the percentage of women in
employment
,
Turkey
was at the highest in 2003 at around 80% before decreasing to approximately 78% in 2009. Canada, comes in
second,
at around 68% at the beginning of the period given, and remains stable to the end. Germany was the
third,
at around 58%, and showed a slight rise from 2003 to 2009 to almost 61%. China started at about 35% and increased in 2005 to almost 39% and showed an insignificant increase of 1% in 2009.
Finally
, in
Turkey
, It was fluctuated between 20% and 25%.
Submitted by halah.z.alamri on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, turkey with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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