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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The breakthroughs in medical science are by far the most significant advances in world society over the last two centuries. Discuss this statement and give your opinion.

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is how far is going medical breakthoughs in the
last
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 two
countries
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. Now
people
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 are beginning to realize that
medicine
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 advanced in only few
countries
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,
for example
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, China and USA. Personally i tend to think
that is
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 really great when
medicine
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 is growing by competition of some
countries
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.
Firstly
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, it is well known that when
countries
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 where medical science is advanced makes breakthough. Essentially, whem
people
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 can get remedies from the most dangerous diseases, but on the countrary, advanced
medicine
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 could be reason of war between two
countries
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, and
also
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 can make a new disease like COVID-19. What i mean here is that
countries
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 with advanced
medicine
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 may bring the new illnesses with breakthoughs.
On the other hand
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, invention of new drug can screw up a balance in the world.
Countries
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 will begin war for remedy and fight with each other, and even if
people
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 really invented
medicine
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 from scattered diseases, it would costly and many
people
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 can not get it.
Furthermore
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, only some rich
people
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 would have it. In conclusion, make a new breakthough may be wonderful for us, but we understood that
medicine
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 will bring more complications than benefits, so beacuse of today's geopolitical reasons we can not invent breakthough of medical science today.

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task achievement
Clarify your main ideas and provide stronger examples to support them. It helps to relate each point back to the main statement more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the flow of your essay by using linking words and clear paragraph structures. This will help readers follow your thinking.
task achievement
You raise important issues about medical breakthroughs and their effects on society, showing your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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