IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #countries #service #men #school #idea #system #women
One
 of the most recent
trend
Change to a plural noun
trends
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 today’s world is the compulsory military service after
leave
Wrong verb form
leaving
show examples
 school for young men. From
this
Fix the agreement mistake
training
show examples
trainings
Add a comma
,trainings
show examples
 government tries to build a lawful and healthy young generation
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
. It is a good move if we can adopt
training
Correct article usage
a training
show examples
 system for
women
also
. Because now most of the big institutions
lead
Wrong verb form
are led
show examples
 by
women
.
This
 shows
women
becoming
Verb problem
have
show examples
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society as same as men. In my perspective
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 military training for
women
 has more positive impact than negatives. When I consider about
positive
Add an article
the positive
show examples
 side of the training
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them,
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 prominent
one
 is they can become mentally and physically fit. They can learn the way how to maintain their
physically
Replace the word
physical
show examples
 and
mentally strong
Replace the word
mental strength
show examples
. Not only that they can have knowledge about the
self defensive
Add a hyphen
self-defensive
show examples
 methods. And
also
 they can make new friends all over the country.
This
 will help them to
strength
Replace the word
strengthen
show examples
 their
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
show examples
 path by having
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
 all over the country and
varies
Replace the word
various
show examples
 industries. On the
one
 hand may point out some drawbacks
also
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 some
women
 may have physical and
mentally
Change the word
mental
show examples
 issues when
hey
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 were in childhood. These issues can grow during the training period. Because military training is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hard training
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to other
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
.
Actually
Add a comma
,Actually
show examples
 it is the most significant drawback.
Lastly
, in
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 world is focusing
to educate
Change preposition
on educating
show examples
 citizens to create
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 and efficient
work force
Correct your spelling
workforce
show examples
. So
this
 step of providing military training for
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation will help to achieve that target. In the view of
argument
Correct article usage
the argument
show examples
 outlined above,
one
 can conclude that despite having some drawbacks the benefit of providing military training for both men and
women
 will
higher
Add a missing verb
be higher
show examples
 than without
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
.
Submitted by skdikshan on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • military service
  • young men
  • adopt
  • system
  • patriotism
  • national unity
  • responsibility
  • discipline
  • individual freedoms
  • personal choice
  • skills
  • training
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