IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects.But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject they are good at or find the most interesting.Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #teenagers #school #subjects #focus
The school education system is the major pillar to to create
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
balance
Replace the word
balanced
show examples
 person.
However
, there is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 argument about studying school curriculum, a part of the community
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
,that pupils should give their attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the whole
subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject
show examples
 areas, and others
debates
Correct subject-verb agreement
debate
show examples
, that the students should identify their own likings in the
syllebus
Correct your spelling
curriculum
, and concentrate
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 those areas. Here, I strongly believe, that teenagers should focus
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
complete
Add an article
the complete
show examples
 subject area because it is impossible to reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the final exam destinations without complete knowledge. Even though, youngsters could make a decision about their majorings as per their own wish. On the one hand, nowadays, the primary and tertiary educational systems are consisted
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
numorous
Correct your spelling
numerous
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
due to
this
 reason,students, who are willing to complete high studies, it is mandatory to study
fully
Change the word
full
show examples
subjects
Change the noun form
subject
show examples
 areas,
otherwise
Add a comma
,otherwise
show examples
 they would not
eligible
Add a missing verb
be eligible
show examples
 to pass the examinations.
For instance
, Sinhala language and mathematics are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
critical
subjects
 in Sri Lankan
ordinary level
Add a hyphen
ordinary-level
show examples
 examination because if
some one
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
 fails these
subjects
,which is caused to fail the examination totally.
Therefore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
balance
educational
Change preposition
of educational
show examples
 attention is
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
paramount for
fullfilling
Correct your spelling
fulfilling
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future targets.
On the other hand
, personal
favouration
Correct your spelling
favouritism
 is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 undeniable motivation factor for any human owing to
this
 reason,
student
Add an article
a student
the student
show examples
 who has a talent and liking about some specific area could change his complete life positively.
For example
, there are
many
Change the article
a many
the many
show examples
number
Change to a plural noun
numbers
show examples
 of
nobel
Change the capitalization
Nobel
show examples
 price holders, who failed in the schooling system ,but they could reach their life goals through the specific
curriculam
Correct your spelling
curriculum
 even though
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
 of people are very few
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the earth,majority of the young people end their education
due to
 unbalance study pattern. In conclusion, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsible citizens ,everyone should encourage
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 generation to adopt
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the balance
learning
Change preposition
of learning
show examples
 works.
Otherwise
 ,which will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Add an article
the effect
an effect
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their sustainable future
inversly
Correct your spelling
inversely
.
Submitted by donnayanajith on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: