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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that space exploration has had more to do with national pride than international effort. To what extend do you agree with this? How do you think space exploration will change in the future?

It is argued that the main aim of
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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space
Use synonyms
 travel is to attract other
countries
Use synonyms
 to see their new invention of technology rather than international matters. I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 notion because of the following reasons. On the one hand, it is a natural tendency to become widely known. As a matter of fact,
invention
Add an article
the invention
an invention
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 of
space
Use synonyms
 travel
also
Linking Words
 become a way of showing each of the state-of-the-art
of
Change preposition
apply
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technology they have particularly in developed
countries
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they even compete
among
Change preposition
with
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 other
countries
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. Take
Rusia
Correct your spelling
Russia
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 and The United States
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
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 example, explore
space
Use synonyms
 several times
during
Change preposition
apply
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a year and exaggerate their reports in the media to seek people's attention and gain popularity.
Thus
Linking Words
, even if it takes a long period of time to prove and
take
Verb problem
apply
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much money to support them, they still invest in
space
Use synonyms
 exploration to keep up their pride.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, having said that, in the future wealthy people will put their sight on
this
Linking Words
 invention. It might be driven by
the
Correct article usage
a
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 sense of curiosity since humans have a natural tendency to go beyond their
limit
Fix the agreement mistake
limits
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, a well-known millionaire, Elon Musk sent his car into
space
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 and probably has other ideas for
further
Linking Words
 exploration which could allow more people
experiencing
Change the verb form
to experience
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 it as having leisure time on earth.
To conclude
Linking Words
, in order to boost their pride, developed
countries
Use synonyms
 mostly explore other spaces to boost their pride.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is undeniable that in the future it might be a common thing for them to travel to other horizons using the means of sophisticated transportation that they have.

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task achievement
Provide a clearer opinion on whether space exploration is more about national pride or international effort.
coherence cohesion
Expand on the reasons why space exploration is seen as a matter of national pride.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your ideas.
lexical resource
Use more varied and appropriate vocabulary.
grammatical range accuracy
Improve sentence structure and grammar accuracy.
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