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Band 4.5

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#sales #consumer #goods #power #society
In
modern
Add an article
the modern
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 world, some
people
 believe that
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 have
huge
Add an article
a huge
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 impact on
high
Correct article usage
the high
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 sales of popular products which are sold in the market.
Also
, decrease in quality which is not the actual need of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. I totally agree with
this
 statement. On the
first
Correct word choice
other
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 hand,
advertisements
 are something that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of companies
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rely on. it is considered as
main
Change the article
the main
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stretegy
Correct your spelling
strategy
 to attract more sales,
this
 is all just because of advertisement's influence power.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
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 of
people
being
Wrong verb form
are
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 attracted
and
Change preposition
to and
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 influenced by giant companies with the help of
advertisements
. And increased sales lead to product quality degradation for the
shake
Correct your spelling
sake
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 of money.
For instance
, in
Add an article
a county
the county
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county
Correct your spelling
country
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 like India, farmers use huge
amount
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amounts
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 of pesticides, fungicides and other chemicals and make ads of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 in order to achieve high
profit
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profits
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 from
diff
Correct your spelling
different
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 crops. But these crops have consequences related to health
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
which is not something that today's
pupil
Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
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 need. Another example of quality degradation in goods is that before one decade, the average lifespan of any vehicle
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 approximately 20 years which
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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declined to 7 years. Nowadays it
is become
Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
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 the trend that upcoming new
product's
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product
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 marketing is done with the most popular celebrities,
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
Correct article usage
a results
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results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
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, the
people
 who
truely folloe
Correct your spelling
truly follow
 celebrities
buys
Change the verb form
buy
show examples
 that product without knowing
that
Correct word choice
whether
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 it is really worth it or not.
On the other hand
, there are certain brands and companies that actually provide products that everyone
need
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needs
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 but because of low
advertisements
Add a comma
,advertisements
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 pupils are not aware
about
Change the preposition
of
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 it.
Moreover
,
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
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 few ones know about social media as it provides the best platform to make
pupil
Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
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 aware of healthy goods. In conclusion,
people
 can buy different things by watching
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
advertisements
an advertisement
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advertisements
 but they must check the reviews and
products
Change the noun form
product
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 details
throughly
Correct your spelling
thoroughly
 before buying it.
Submitted by vivekchovatiya8 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should be more developed and provide a clear overview of your argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your ideas.
grammatical range accuracy
Be careful with grammar and sentence structure. There are several errors throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Expand on your ideas and provide more explanation and analysis.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and try to be more precise in your word choice.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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