IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Nowadays, there are a large number of coffee shops and fast-food vendors on high streets and in town centres. Why are there so many of these outlets? What effect is this having on the society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #coffee #shops #fast-food #vendors #streets #town #centres #outlets #effect #society
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Living in
this
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 fast-paced world, have you thought,
why
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about why
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 there are a large number of
coffee
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shops
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 and fast
food
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vendors
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 on high
street
Fix the agreement mistake
streets
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 and in town centres? There are many reasons behind it .The increase in
coffee
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shops
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 and fast
food
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vendors
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 can
also
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 affect our society in numerous ways. The
growth
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 of
coffee
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shops
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 and fast
food
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vendors
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 increased drastically in recent years.The main reason behind
this
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growth
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 is the bloom in the IT field and other working sectors. Most
people
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 come from different cities to work in town centres where most of the
tidel
Correct your spelling
tidal
 parks and
MNC's
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MNCs
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 are located. These
people
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 coming from different cities are mostly bachelors and rely on
coffee
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shops
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 and fast
food
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vendors
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 for their daily needs.
This
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 gradually increased the number of
coffee
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shops
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 and fast
food
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vendors
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 on
high
Correct article usage
the high
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 street and in the town centre. On the one hand,
coffee
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shops
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 and fast-
food
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vendors
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 are the only hope for bachelors who cannot cook. But
on the other hand
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,
people
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 prefer eating outside to eating home-cooked
food
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.
People
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 have become so lazy as
food
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 is readily available at a cheaper price,they don't cook .The main problem is that these
coffee
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shop
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shops
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 and fast
food
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 readers do not prepare their
food
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 in a hygienic way. Eating
this
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food
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 on a regular basis can cause many problems to health.
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Also
Add a comma
,Also
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 these
food
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 items
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lack
of
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apply
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nutrients and protein and mostly contain unsaturated fat which is hard to digest and bad for health. In conclusion, the
growth
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 in the IT field and working sectors has resulted in the
growth
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 of fast
food
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 and
coffee
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shops
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. Anything
that is
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 consumed above its limit can turn into danger. So going to fast
food
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 and
coffee
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shops
Use synonyms
 once in a
while
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 will be advisable.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are weak and need to be more developed.
task achievement
Include more specific and relevant examples to support your points.
task achievement
Expand on the idea of the effect on society and provide more analysis.
lexical resource
Improve word choice and vary sentence structures.
grammatical range accuracy
Review grammar and sentence structure. There are some errors throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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