IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Nowadays, there are a large number of coffee shops and fast-food vendors on high streets and in town centres. Why are there so many of these outlets? What effect is this having on the society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #coffee #shops #fast-food #vendors #streets #town #centres #outlets #effect #society
Living in
this
 fast-paced world, have you thought,
why
Change preposition
about why
show examples
 there are a large number of
coffee
shops
 and fast
food
vendors
 on high
street
Fix the agreement mistake
streets
show examples
 and in town centres? There are many reasons behind it .The increase in
coffee
shops
 and fast
food
vendors
 can
also
 affect our society in numerous ways. The
growth
 of
coffee
shops
 and fast
food
vendors
 increased drastically in recent years.The main reason behind
this
growth
 is the bloom in the IT field and other working sectors. Most
people
 come from different cities to work in town centres where most of the
tidel
Correct your spelling
tidal
 parks and
MNC's
Change noun form
MNCs
show examples
 are located. These
people
 coming from different cities are mostly bachelors and rely on
coffee
shops
 and fast
food
vendors
 for their daily needs.
This
 gradually increased the number of
coffee
shops
 and fast
food
vendors
 on
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 street and in the town centre. On the one hand,
coffee
shops
 and fast-
food
vendors
 are the only hope for bachelors who cannot cook. But
on the other hand
,
people
 prefer eating outside to eating home-cooked
food
.
People
 have become so lazy as
food
 is readily available at a cheaper price,they don't cook .The main problem is that these
coffee
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
 and fast
food
 readers do not prepare their
food
 in a hygienic way. Eating
this
food
 on a regular basis can cause many problems to health.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 these
food
 items
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nutrients and protein and mostly contain unsaturated fat which is hard to digest and bad for health. In conclusion, the
growth
 in the IT field and working sectors has resulted in the
growth
 of fast
food
 and
coffee
shops
. Anything
that is
 consumed above its limit can turn into danger. So going to fast
food
 and
coffee
shops
 once in a
while
 will be advisable.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are weak and need to be more developed.
task achievement
Include more specific and relevant examples to support your points.
task achievement
Expand on the idea of the effect on society and provide more analysis.
lexical resource
Improve word choice and vary sentence structures.
grammatical range accuracy
Review grammar and sentence structure. There are some errors throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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