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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals for three type of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals for three type of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
#show #percentages #meals #three #type #nutrients
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The
pie
Use synonyms
charts
Use synonyms
 provide information about the average proportion of
Sodium
Use synonyms
, Saturated fat and Added sugar in ordinary meals in the USA, all of which probably cause health issues if consumed a huge amounts.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen from the
charts
Use synonyms
 that the highest percentage among the three
pie
Use synonyms
charts
Use synonyms
 was
Sodium
Use synonyms
 nutrients at Dinner
time
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest was in the same
pie
Use synonyms
 chart but at
snack
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 and
Breakfast
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with the first two
pie
Use synonyms
charts
Use synonyms
 we noticed that the highest numbers of proportion was at Dinner
time
Use synonyms
 for the
Sodium
Use synonyms
 and Saturated fat nutrients with 43% and 37%, respectively.
Then
Linking Words
, we continue with Lunch
time
Use synonyms
 and we recognise that it has the second place with 29% and 26%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in the
Sodium
Use synonyms
pie
Use synonyms
 chart at
Breakfast
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 and at
snack
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 we have the same proportion at 14%, which
similarly
Linking Words
 is the lowest among the other two
pie
Use synonyms
charts
Use synonyms
. As opposed to, in Saturated
fat
Add a comma
,fat
show examples
 we see the
Snack
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 is much higher at 21% and reaching the third place,
while
Linking Words
 the
last
Linking Words
 was the
Breakfast
Use synonyms
Time
Use synonyms
 at 16%.
In addition
Linking Words
, in the Added sugar nutrient we have the four sections with similar amounts of percentages to the previous one , but
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 we have the
Breakfast
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 with the lowest number at 16% and the highest amount was at
Snack
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 at 42%.
Submitted by despinaiapona on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words pie, charts, sodium, time, snack, breakfast with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amounts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • charts
  • average percentages
  • typical meals
  • nutrients
  • unhealthy
  • eaten too much
  • introduction
  • overview
  • body paragraph
  • carbohydrates
  • fats
  • proteins
  • balanced diet
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