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Band 4

In achieving personal happiness, our relationships with other people (family, friends, colleagues) are more important than anything else. Issues such as work and wealth take second place

#happiness #relationships #people #friends #colleagues #work #wealth #second #place
Presently, living happily and good social
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 highlighted by many
people
 throughout the world,
following
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
 by
work
 and
money
.
Everyone
want
Change the verb form
wants
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 to be happy more than anything
then
 they need to find something to make them happy in
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. I strongly believe
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 statement and I will show my opinion in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with
happiness
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life, we cannot deny that we do not want to
happy
Add a missing verb
be happy
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 in
their
Correct pronoun usage
our
show examples
 life.
Everyone
 always
find
Change the verb form
finds
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 reason for living
as well as
 they find
happiness
in
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apply
show examples
every day. Each
people
 have
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 thing to make them enjoy
such
 as eating
Add an article
a favorite
show examples
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 food, listening
favorite
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favourite
show examples
 song and other personal
happiness
. They are the most essential because they are the easiest things to make you always feel good.
Also
, good relationship is important for
everyone
, the reason
is surrounding
Wrong verb form
being surrounded
show examples
 by no toxic
people
 is the best way to be in
fine
Correct article usage
a fine
show examples
 social that
make
Verb problem
puts
show examples
 you
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
in
happy
Correct article usage
a happy
show examples
 mood too. Some
people
 claim that
work
 and wealth are important lesser two things
before
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. How wealth important is
money
 can buy anything you want.
For example
, if you have a lot of
money
, you can buy things that make you happier. Relate
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
work
, if you are good at
work
 you are paid many
salary
Change to a plural noun
salaries
show examples
.
Everyone
 can see many
millionaire
Change to a plural noun
millionaires
show examples
 they always
be
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 happy and spend their
money
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
their self
Correct pronoun usage
themself
themselves
show examples
 happy. In conclusion,
happy
Replace the word
happiness
show examples
 is a mood that
everyone
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
.
Therefore
, the main of
joyful
Replace the word
joy
show examples
 is personal
happiness
 and relationships in reality. Second of the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 joy is
work
 and wealth. I agree it is true because
everyone
 around the world
be
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 happy like
these
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
.
Submitted by pramai177 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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