IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In achieving personal happiness, our relationships with other people (family, friends, colleagues) are more important than anything else. Issues such as work and wealth take second place.

#happiness #relationships #people #friends #colleagues #work #wealth #second #place
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Presently, living happily and having good social ….. is highlighted by many people throughout the world, followed by
work
Use synonyms
 and
money
Use synonyms
.
Everyone
Use synonyms
 wants to be happy more than anything. So, they need to find something to make them happy
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every day. I strongly believe in
this
Linking Words
 statement and I will show my opinion in the following paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
happiness
Use synonyms
 in life, we cannot deny that we do not want to be happy in our lives.
Everyone
Use synonyms
 always finds a reason for living
as well as
Linking Words
 they find
happiness
Use synonyms
 every day. Each person has a different thing to make them enjoy
such
Linking Words
 as eating their favorite food, listening to their favorite songs and other personal
happiness
Use synonyms
. They are the most essential because they are the easiest things to make you always feel good.
Also
Linking Words
, good relationship is important for
everyone
Use synonyms
, the reason is being surrounded by no toxic people is the best way to be in a fine social that puts you in a happy mood too. Some people claim that
work
Use synonyms
 and wealth are important
lesser
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
than two things
before
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. How wealth important is
money
Use synonyms
 can buy anything you want.
For example
Linking Words
, if you have a lot of
money
Use synonyms
, you can buy things that make you happier. Related to
work
Use synonyms
, if you are good at
work
Use synonyms
 you are paid many salary.
Everyone
Use synonyms
 can see many millionaires they are always happy and spend their
money
Use synonyms
 to make themselves happy. In conclusion,
happiness
Use synonyms
 is a mood that
everyone
Use synonyms
 wants.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the main of joy is personal
happiness
Use synonyms
 and relationships in reality.
Second,
Linking Words
the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 joy are
work
Use synonyms
 and wealth. I agree it is true because
everyone
Use synonyms
 around the world is happy.
Submitted by pramai177 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: