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Band 5.5

Some people think that a person improves intellectual skills better when doing group activities. To what extent do you agree? Use specific details and examples to explain your view.

#people #person #skills #group #activities
From the first day humanity appeared on the Earth, it has heavily relied on functioning as a group. It is widely believed that a human brain evolves better when it collaborates with the species operating in the same way. I completely agree with
this
 opinion, since genius ideas may arise when
people
 consult and discuss the issues they have. As it is known that two minds work better than one, thereby impacting one another to grow their intellectual capacity. Since ancient times,
people
 have always joined social groups to develop their outlook and cognitive abilities. Centuries ago, even when humanity was living in primitive conditions, they gathered around the fire in dark caves to relate
about
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their perceptions about the world around them and their intellectual abilities evolved, thanks to the primitive stories and songs they would share with their counterparts. Now,
people
 still stay in communities, beginning from kindergartens to universities where they make use of their collaboration in developing their
mind
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minds
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.
For example
,
according to
 several studies conducted by educationalists, children who are deprived of proper schooling are intellectually behind, in comparison with the ones who attend schools. In other cases of workplaces, the percentage of innovations
of
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in
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the
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companies where employees' working space is closer to one another is higher than that of
the
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enterprises where workers function remotely in separate rooms.
Secondly
, the perception of humans about the surrounding world, their ability to relate
it
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to it
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 orally, and the acquisition of a second language
also
 depend on social interaction. It has been proven that
people
 who have not had any chance to interact are often behind their peers in intellect. They do not have an opportunity to compare what they are perceiving, as they think there is no other notion of the world except theirs, and may not be able to try to develop their cognitive skills. There is
an
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interesting proof for
this
 idea in science in which two sisters who were adopted by the wolves at an early age did not have any intellect. They were around 5 years old when they were found and an outstanding doctor was involved in their retrieval to a normal life. No matter
the
Correct pronoun usage
what the
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 doctor tried and did his best, he could not teach the girls to say only a few words to express their usual needs. They were totally behind in intellect and they were like animals. The girls died several years after they had been found and never had intelligence as their peers had, which means the human brain can develop when it has a chance to interact and cooperate in groups. In conclusion, I am in a firm position in which
people
 can develop intellectually when they work in groups
,
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because it has always had solid proof from the history of humanity up to these days.
Submitted by shabnam_2014 on

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content
Provide a more balanced view by acknowledging potential drawbacks of group activities.
language
Rephrase the sentence "Since ancient times, people have always joined social groups to develop their outlook and cognitive abilities." to improve clarity.
content
Consider providing more specific examples in support of your points.
content
Ensure the introduction clearly states your position on the topic.
content
Revise the conclusion to provide a summary of your main points.
language
Use more varied sentence structures to improve grammatical range.
language
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • intellectual skills
  • group activities
  • collaborative learning
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • communication
  • interpersonal skills
  • diverse perspectives
  • creativity
  • individual study
  • personal reflection
  • autonomy
  • learning styles
  • approaches
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