IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

The international community should take action immediately to ensure that all countries reduce the consumption of fossil fuels, such as gas and oil. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#community #action #countries #consumption #fuels #gas #oil
It is often said that one of the most important responsibilities of the international community is to ensure that all countries reduce their consumption of fossil
fuels
,
such
 as natural gas and oil. From my perspective, I completely agree with
this
 idea.
Firstly
, one significant reason for
this
 argument is that the international community is taking action to reduce pollution levels.
For example
, in most industrial countries
such
 as India, which is one of the largest coal producers in the world, we all know that most of its cities have high levels of pollution and people often suffer from respiratory diseases.
This
 means that by undertaking activities to reduce the use of fossil
fuels
, these problems can be minimized.
Moreover
, they will
also
 be disappointed in the near future.
Therefore
, it is evident why the consumption of fossil
fuels
 should be decreased
as well as
 discontinued.
Secondly
, another reason is to conserve animals, especially endangered species like cheetahs and lizards.
For example
, most people in the world prefer to use private vehicles
instead
 of using bicycles or public transportation systems. Since our cars burn fossil
fuels
,
this
 could lead to dire situations for all animals.
This
 will lead to their extinction.
Therefore
, by legislating to reduce the consumption of fossil
fuels
, the international community can create a safer environment for all living things on Earth. All in all, I firmly believe that the extraction of natural gas and oil should be reduced or even stopped. It is expected that through
this
 surgery, our world will become a habitable place without any troubles in the near future.
Submitted by y2083749065 on

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coherence cohesion
Expand on the argument of reducing pollution levels. Provide more specific examples or statistics to support your point.
coherence cohesion
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support the argument of conserving endangered species.
coherence cohesion
Revise the conclusion to provide a stronger ending by summarizing the main points or offering a final thought on the topic.
task achievement
Include a clear thesis statement in the introduction that explicitly states your position on the topic.
task achievement
Include a counter-argument or address potential opposing views to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the coherence by using more transitional phrases or linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs.
grammatical range accuracy
Check for grammar errors and improve sentence structures to enhance clarity and fluency.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fossil fuels
  • consumption
  • gas
  • oil
  • international community
  • climate change
  • environmental degradation
  • global problem
  • collective action
  • renewable energy sources
  • sustainable future
  • economic growth
  • development
  • rely heavily on
  • unrealistic
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