Sending criminal to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. Do you agree or disagree?

The issue of how to effectively deal with

criminals

has long been a subject of debate.

While

some argue that sending them to prison is the best solution, I firmly believe that there are better methods for rehabilitating offenders.

This

essay will present arguments supporting

this

viewpoint.

To begin

with,

education

plays an important role in transforming the lives of

criminals

. Offenders can gain useful

skills

and information if they have access to educational programs within correctional facilities.

Education

promotes personal development, critical thinking, and problem-solving

skills

, allowing individuals to make constructive choices after they are released.

Furthermore

, it provides an opportunity for intellectual development, creating a sense of self-worth and allowing them to make a significant contribution to

society

Furthermore

, job training programs teach practical

skills

that improve employability and prevent crime. Giving

criminals

vocational training is the same as teaching them how to fish rather than simply giving them

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

fish.

Criminals

can acquire high-paying employment by learning marketable

skills

, reducing the motivation to engage in criminal activity.

This

strategy not only helps them reintegrate into

society

, but it

also

reduces the burden on correctional systems because fewer people return

into

Change preposition

show examples

criminal conduct. The opponents may argue that heavy punishments work as obstacles and protections for

society

However

, evidence consistently shows that

education

and job training programs have a much bigger impact on lowering crime rates and promoting successful reintegration. In conclusion,

while

imprisonment may temporarily remove

criminals

from

society

, it fails to address the underlying causes of criminal

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

. We can provide offenders with the

skills

they need to repair their lives and contribute positively to

society

by prioritizing

education

and job training within the correctional system.

Thus

, these rehabilitative measures undoubtedly surpass the punitive approach of imprisonment in terms of achieving long-term social harmony.

Submitted by asllchkied on Wed Oct 04 2023

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coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, but the essay could benefit from a more explicit thesis statement in the introduction. This will help guide the reader and set up the main points of the essay.

task achievement

Provide specific examples or evidence to support the arguments presented. This will make the essay more persuasive and convincing.

grammatical range accuracy

There are minor grammatical errors throughout the essay. Be careful with subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency.

lexical resource

Expand your range of vocabulary to make the essay more sophisticated. Use synonyms and varied language to express ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

298 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Fully explain your ideas

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