IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that companies should provide employees with exercise time during the day. What is your opinion about this?

#people #companies #employees #exercise #time
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Some
persons
Replace the word
people
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 believe that organizations have to fit
workout
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 during working hours. In my point of view, I do agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. Being fit and healthy
one
Add a missing verb
is one
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 of the most important elements that can
increases
Change the verb form
increase
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workers
Change noun form
workers'
worker's
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productivities
Fix the agreement mistake
productivity
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 and creativity at
work
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, workers spend most of their daily hours at
work
Use synonyms
, sitting at their
office
Use synonyms
 which
made
Verb problem
causes
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 them
gaining
Change the verb form
to gain
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 weight and
destroying
Wrong verb form
destroys
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 their
overall
Linking Words
 health.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, being unhealthy can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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 their mental health like depression which causes less
productivities
Fix the agreement mistake
productivity
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, I
work
Use synonyms
 as
motion
Correct article usage
a motion
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 graphic
specialists
Fix the agreement mistake
specialist
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 at Bahrain TV. Most of my
time
Use synonyms
 I was sitting in the
office
Use synonyms
 designing logos. I gained 10 pounds in just one month.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I get
depress
Change the verb form
depressed
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 and my
productiviy
Correct your spelling
productivity
slow
Correct subject-verb agreement
slows
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 down because of my mental health issues.
Secondly
Linking Words
, sitting all day
at
Change preposition
in
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 the
office
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 chair can kill staff creativity, and lower their fresh ideas. When it comes to creating new concepts, it needs from the employee to take a break and be active.
For example
Linking Words
, My sister
Use synonyms
work
Change the verb form
works
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 at
google
Capitalize word
Google
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,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 supply their
work
Use synonyms
 with a huge gym.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they force their employees to
Use synonyms
workout
Correct your spelling
work out
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 at the gym
everyday
Replace the word
every day
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.
This
Linking Words
 made my sister being so creative and
produce
Wrong verb form
produced
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a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
top world
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I do believe that every organization need to have
workout
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
. They should
implementing
Change the verb form
implement
be implementing
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 a rule, that every worker
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
workout
Correct your spelling
work
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
certain
Add an article
a certain
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time
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
during
show examples
 their
office
Use synonyms
 hours. At
this
Linking Words
 point, every employee will produce the best
work
Use synonyms
 quality that will level up their workplace.
Submitted by mneeraaljalahma on

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coherence cohesion
Consider restructuring your essay to follow a more logical order. Present your main points in a clear and organized manner.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your main points. This will make your ideas more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Include a thesis statement in your introduction to clearly state your opinion on the issue.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to punctuation and capitalization errors. Proofread your essay to correct these mistakes.
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