Some people think that companies should provide employees with exercise time during the day. What is your opinion about this?

Some
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
believe that organizations have to fit
workout
time
during working hours. In my point of view, I do agree with
this
statement. Being fit and healthy
one
Add a missing verb
is one
show examples
of the most important elements that can
increases
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
workers
Change noun form
workers'
worker's
show examples
productivities
Fix the agreement mistake
productivity
show examples
and creativity at
work
.
Firstly
, workers spend most of their daily hours at
work
, sitting at their
office
which
made
Verb problem
causes
show examples
them
gaining
Change the verb form
to gain
show examples
weight and
destroying
Wrong verb form
destroys
show examples
their
overall
health.
Furthermore
, being unhealthy can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
their mental health like depression which causes less
productivities
Fix the agreement mistake
productivity
show examples
.
For instance
, I
work
as
motion
Correct article usage
a motion
show examples
graphic
specialists
Fix the agreement mistake
specialist
show examples
at Bahrain TV. Most of my
time
I was sitting in the
office
designing logos. I gained 10 pounds in just one month.
Moreover
, I get
depress
Change the verb form
depressed
show examples
and my
productiviy
Correct your spelling
productivity
slow
Correct subject-verb agreement
slows
show examples
down because of my mental health issues.
Secondly
, sitting all day
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
office
chair can kill staff creativity, and lower their fresh ideas. When it comes to creating new concepts, it needs from the employee to take a break and be active.
For example
, My sister
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
at
google
Capitalize word
Google
show examples
,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
supply their
work
with a huge gym.
Moreover
, they force their employees to
workout
Correct your spelling
work out
show examples
at the gym
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.
This
made my sister being so creative and
produce
Wrong verb form
produced
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
top world
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
.
To conclude
, I do believe that every organization need to have
workout
time
. They should
implementing
Change the verb form
implement
be implementing
show examples
a rule, that every worker
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
to
workout
Correct your spelling
work
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
time
at
Change preposition
during
show examples
their
office
hours. At
this
point, every employee will produce the best
work
quality that will level up their workplace.
Submitted by mneeraaljalahma on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Consider restructuring your essay to follow a more logical order. Present your main points in a clear and organized manner.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your main points. This will make your ideas more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Include a thesis statement in your introduction to clearly state your opinion on the issue.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to punctuation and capitalization errors. Proofread your essay to correct these mistakes.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: