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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that companies should provide employees with exercise time during the day. What is your opinion about this?

#people #companies #employees #exercise #time
Some
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 believe that organizations have to fit
workout
time
 during working hours. In my point of view, I do agree with
this
 statement. Being fit and healthy
one
Add a missing verb
is one
show examples
 of the most important elements that can
increases
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
workers
Change noun form
workers'
worker's
show examples
productivities
Fix the agreement mistake
productivity
show examples
 and creativity at
work
.
Firstly
, workers spend most of their daily hours at
work
, sitting at their
office
 which
made
Verb problem
causes
show examples
 them
gaining
Change the verb form
to gain
show examples
 weight and
destroying
Wrong verb form
destroys
show examples
 their
overall
 health.
Furthermore
, being unhealthy can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their mental health like depression which causes less
productivities
Fix the agreement mistake
productivity
show examples
.
For instance
, I
work
 as
motion
Correct article usage
a motion
show examples
 graphic
specialists
Fix the agreement mistake
specialist
show examples
 at Bahrain TV. Most of my
time
 I was sitting in the
office
 designing logos. I gained 10 pounds in just one month.
Moreover
, I get
depress
Change the verb form
depressed
show examples
 and my
productiviy
Correct your spelling
productivity
slow
Correct subject-verb agreement
slows
show examples
 down because of my mental health issues.
Secondly
, sitting all day
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
office
 chair can kill staff creativity, and lower their fresh ideas. When it comes to creating new concepts, it needs from the employee to take a break and be active.
For example
, My sister
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 at
google
Capitalize word
Google
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,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 supply their
work
 with a huge gym.
Moreover
, they force their employees to
workout
Correct your spelling
work out
show examples
 at the gym
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.
This
 made my sister being so creative and
produce
Wrong verb form
produced
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
top world
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
.
To conclude
, I do believe that every organization need to have
workout
time
. They should
implementing
Change the verb form
implement
be implementing
show examples
 a rule, that every worker
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to
workout
Correct your spelling
work
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
time
at
Change preposition
during
show examples
 their
office
 hours. At
this
 point, every employee will produce the best
work
 quality that will level up their workplace.
Submitted by mneeraaljalahma on

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coherence cohesion
Consider restructuring your essay to follow a more logical order. Present your main points in a clear and organized manner.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your main points. This will make your ideas more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Include a thesis statement in your introduction to clearly state your opinion on the issue.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to punctuation and capitalization errors. Proofread your essay to correct these mistakes.
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