IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governtments should invest funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governtments #funds #services
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Country
Use synonyms
 runners are spending lots of
momey
Correct your spelling
money
 in the fields of arts, drama and music.
On the contrary
Linking Words
 ,
government
Add an article
the government
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 can utilize
this
Linking Words
 money
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
improvments
Correct your spelling
improvement
improvements
 of buses , national banks etcetera. I ,
however
Linking Words
 ,disagree with the latter as
promotion
Correct article usage
the promotion
show examples
 of
nation's
Correct article usage
a nation's
show examples
 culture
as well as
Linking Words
 the awareness of social issues are possible
due to
Linking Words
 the fields of cinema and numerous art forms only. To initiate , films and series native to a
country
Use synonyms
 are made on the basis of the
prevelance
Correct your spelling
prevalence
 of a
paticular
Correct your spelling
particular
 culture . A famous short film of
India
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 , The Bulbul ,was set up in the era of
nineteenth
Change the article
the nineteenth
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 century ,where males ruled
predominanlty
Correct your spelling
predominately
. It showed the painful issue of dowry
alongwith
Correct your spelling
along with
 marital rape and the latter was not talked about openly. But after
the
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its
show examples
 release,
this
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 movie created havoc not only in
India
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 but
also
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 worldwide. The oppressed ladies came out openly, arranged rallies and started asking for justice and it was reported that many got the same too.
Moreover
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 , spending
handsome
Correct article usage
a handsome
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 amount of money in the field of music by promoting it through famous artists
fetch
Correct subject-verb agreement
fetches
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
viewers from every corner of the world. To illustrate , a famous music carnival of
India
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that is
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 held in Delhi every year attracts millions of listeners not only from
India
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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 from around the globe ,which directly adds to the economy of the
country
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. Not only
this
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 ,it
also
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 promotes tourism as visitors would travel to famous locations of the
country
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 like The Taj Mahal
, The
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and the
 Golden
temple
Capitalize word
Temple
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.
Thus
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 , benefitting the organisers ,the singers
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the government in the form of taxes.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
artististic
Correct your spelling
artistic
 fields like jazz,classics ,bhangra ,
dramas
Correct word choice
and dramas
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 are pivotal for a
country
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 because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 bring laurels to the
country
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 making it famous among its contemporaries and
plays
Wrong verb form
playing
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 a leading role in the growth of a region.
Submitted by lkapila25 on

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