IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governtments should invest funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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Country
Use synonyms
 runners are spending lots of
momey
Correct your spelling
money
 in the fields of arts, drama and music.
On the contrary
Linking Words
 ,
government
Add an article
the government
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 can utilize
this
Linking Words
 money
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
improvments
Correct your spelling
improvement
improvements
 of buses , national banks etcetera. I ,
however
Linking Words
 ,disagree with the latter as
promotion
Correct article usage
the promotion
show examples
 of
nation's
Correct article usage
a nation's
show examples
 culture
as well as
Linking Words
 the awareness of social issues are possible
due to
Linking Words
 the fields of cinema and numerous art forms only. To initiate , films and series native to a
country
Use synonyms
 are made on the basis of the
prevelance
Correct your spelling
prevalence
 of a
paticular
Correct your spelling
particular
 culture . A famous short film of
India
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 , The Bulbul ,was set up in the era of
nineteenth
Change the article
the nineteenth
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 century ,where males ruled
predominanlty
Correct your spelling
predominately
. It showed the painful issue of dowry
alongwith
Correct your spelling
along with
 marital rape and the latter was not talked about openly. But after
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 release,
this
Linking Words
 movie created havoc not only in
India
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 but
also
Linking Words
 worldwide. The oppressed ladies came out openly, arranged rallies and started asking for justice and it was reported that many got the same too.
Moreover
Linking Words
 , spending
handsome
Correct article usage
a handsome
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 amount of money in the field of music by promoting it through famous artists
fetch
Correct subject-verb agreement
fetches
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
viewers from every corner of the world. To illustrate , a famous music carnival of
India
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that is
Linking Words
 held in Delhi every year attracts millions of listeners not only from
India
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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 from around the globe ,which directly adds to the economy of the
country
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. Not only
this
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 ,it
also
Linking Words
 promotes tourism as visitors would travel to famous locations of the
country
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 like The Taj Mahal
, The
Correct your spelling
and the
 Golden
temple
Capitalize word
Temple
show examples
.
Thus
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 , benefitting the organisers ,the singers
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the government in the form of taxes.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
artististic
Correct your spelling
artistic
 fields like jazz,classics ,bhangra ,
dramas
Correct word choice
and dramas
show examples
 are pivotal for a
country
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 because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 bring laurels to the
country
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 making it famous among its contemporaries and
plays
Wrong verb form
playing
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 a leading role in the growth of a region.

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