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Band 2

Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned. Others, however, believe that people should be free to choose sports activities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #sports #activities
There are individuals who believe that risky
games
 should be reduced,
while
 others argue that to choose physical
activities
 freely.
This
 essay
discuss
Change the verb form
discusses
show examples
 both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
views and
subsequently
present
Correct subject-verb agreement
presents
show examples
 my own opinions on the matter. Supporters of the idea dangerous
sports
 should be banned say that some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sport
games
 leads to death,
such
 as MMA, UFC, and escape
games
. In fact
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
aproximently
Correct your spelling
approximately
 15%
gamers
Change preposition
of gamers
show examples
 die
while
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 fights every year.
Additionally
Add a comma
,Additionally
show examples
 the
risks
Replace the word
risky
show examples
activities
 like mountain climbing, motor racing, and base jumping are high levels of danger. Those
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
games
harmful
Add a missing verb
are harmful
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 individual's health and safety. The danger spots cause
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 become invalids.
On the other hand
perspectives
Fix the agreement mistake
perspective
show examples
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
 people should be free to select
sports
activities
think
Verb problem
is
show examples
 that freedom
activities
 invite high mood events, interesting
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
, and motivate to lives. And they  say that banning dangerous
sports
 would
limited
Replace the word
limit
show examples
 people's ability and reduce their hobbies, even
it
Correct word choice
if it
show examples
 leads to becoming more isolated. In fact
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
about 70%
males
Change preposition
of males
show examples
keen
Add a missing verb
are keen
show examples
 on
to watch
Change the verb form
watching
show examples
danger
Replace the word
dangerous
show examples
sports
 and playing them. In summary, banning dangerous
sports
 and freedom
activities
 are equally important for
well-being
Correct article usage
the well-being
show examples
 and
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 society.  I prefer to reduce
risks
Replace the word
risky
show examples
activities
 and provide
safety
Replace the word
safe
show examples
 lifestyles.
Submitted by sevinch.ibragimova5696 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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