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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people have to find work abroad .they have to leave theirs homes as well as friends. Do the advantages outweight the disadvantage.

#people #work #homes #friends #outweight
Parents
 who send their
children
 to non-
government
schools
 should not pay income tax and the
government
 should help their
children
 in the education system. I totally agree with
this
 statement and my
further
 justification will come in
further
 paragraphs
along with
 some relative examples. To commence with, families who pay a high amount of
money
 in public
school
 should not pay any
taxes
 there are several reasons behind
this
.
Firstly
, they already contribute to their country's economy because they pay a high amount of
money
 for only
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system which is beneficial for all sectors.
For instance
, those
children
 who study in a private
school
 pay
a large amounts
Correct the article-noun agreement
large amounts
a large amount
show examples
 of
money
 in
school
 which directly goes to the administration and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 the country's growth.
Secondly
, the teachers who earn
money
 for public
schools
also
 pay
taxes
 to direct the
government
 which means the administration takes twice
taxes
 from various sources which is not good for families.
Lastly
, all staff members of the
school
 earn
money
 from their
parents
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
also
 pay
taxes
 in other forms which means
parents
 are not required to pay any
taxes
 to the
government
.
On the other hand
, as per the
government
 policy, all citizens need to pay
taxes
 to the administration because it is their choice whether their
children
 study in a
government
school
 or a private
school
.
Additionally
, the
government
 already opened many
schools
 in city areas and provides free education to all so no need to go to public
schools
. To give an overview, public
school
children
's
parents
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 need to pay
taxes
 to the
government
 because they already pay in advance.
However
, as per
government
 rule, all citizens need to pay
taxes
.
Submitted by er.lerulal on

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task achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement at the beginning of the introduction.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully and provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas into paragraphs more effectively.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied and precise language.
grammatical range accuracy
Work on improving your grammatical accuracy and range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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