IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows the process by which bricks are manufactured for the building industry. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The diagram below shows the process by which bricks are manufactured for the building industry. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#process #bricks #industry #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The diagram illustrates the
brick
 manufacturing
process
 in an orderly manner starting from the digging of
clay
. As is seen in the given illustration,
brick
 manufacturing is a complex
process
 and involves 7 stages until they are ready to be sold in the market. The
process
 is initiated by digging
clay
 with the help
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
weight
Correct article usage
the weight
show examples
 tool
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and running out with the roller to get the smoother crumble of
clay
 with
using
Wrong verb form
the use
show examples
 of
metal
Correct article usage
a metal
show examples
 grid. After
get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
 the softer
clay
then
Rephrase
apply
show examples
pour the sand and water mixed into one through
wire
Correct article usage
a wire
show examples
 cutter to cut the longest
brick
 into some pieces or mould
process
 one by one to make a
brick
 form.
The certain
Correct article usage
Certain
show examples
 bricks through the next
process
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
drying
Correct article usage
the drying
show examples
 oven
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
staying up to 24-48 hours. Afterwards
passing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the kiln
process
 with
moderate
Correct article usage
a moderate
show examples
 temperature
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 200C-980C,
then
 higher to 870C-1300C. After that bricks can
at
Add a missing verb
be at
show examples
 the cooling chamber
during
Change preposition
for
show examples
 48-72 hours before it into the packaging
process
.
Finally
 bricks
ready
Add a missing verb
are ready
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 delivery and sold to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words brick, process, clay with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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