WRITING TASK 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #countries #service #men #school #idea #system #women

Military training is a must for young men in various nations. There are considerations of generalising

this

trend worldwide to include females as well. I completely disagree that the government forces

such

practice

Fix the agreement mistake

practices

show examples

down the throats of growing males and females.

To begin

with, military training is a good means to instil discipline in

people

For instance

, my brother had a complete change of character after he enrolled in a military academy. To add to

this

, in Ghana it is common practice for waywardness to be corrected by subjecting perpetrators to military discipline.

Such

people

often turn a new leaf.

Hence

it is clear that

military enforcement in the lives of the youth breeds well-behaved individuals.

Moreover

, every nation truly wants responsible adults with good mannerisms for development. Despite these, I am of the view that

people

should not be forced to live a particular way and do not agree with the government getting involved in

people

's personal lives.

On the other hand

, we live in a free world.

People

should be allowed to freely choose what works for them.

Besides

, every human being belongs to a family where grooming is done. Family forms the foundation of every society. It is the responsibility of parents to guide their children to navigate through life.

Furthermore

, there are national laws that govern the human rights of all citizens.

Therefore

, national authorities forcing societal folks to partake in military services is obviously an infringement on their rights.

Hence

, I believe parents and their wards should be allowed to decide on paths their children could use for personal growth and development. I do not agree in any way that young citizens should be made to join military services. In conclusion, obliging the youth to undergo military service is ongoing in numerous countries.

Although

military training is known to generate discipline in

people

, we live in a free society.

Therefore

, I do not agree young

people

are made to take part in military activities.

Submitted by nmaureen03 on Thu Oct 05 2023

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coherence cohesion

Make sure to clearly state your position on the topic in the introduction.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.

grammatical range accuracy

Check the grammar and sentence structure throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

329 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

compulsory
military service
young men
adopt
system
patriotism
national unity
responsibility
discipline
individual freedoms
personal choice
skills
training

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