IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar chart compares the amount of money (in millions of euros) that people in four different age groups from Paris, France, spent on going to the cinema, restaurants and music concerts in 2019.

The bar chart compares the amount of money (in millions of euros) that people in four different age groups from Paris, France, spent on going to the cinema, restaurants and music concerts in 2019.
#bar #amount #money #millions #euros #people #four #age #groups #paris #france #cinema #restaurants #music #concerts
The line graph
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the ratio of young people that
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 different outdoor sports in four categories from 1900 to nowadays.
Overall
,
swimming
Correct article usage
the swimming
show examples
 category show and rose significantly from 1990 to
Present
Correct article usage
the Present
show examples
 day, compared with ball games and biking/roller skating.
Whereas
 the group jogging/running rose
slight
Change the adjective
slightly
show examples
 in the given
period
. Swimming started the
period
 below 15%,
then
 from 1995 to
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 constantly and
end
Wrong verb form
ended
show examples
 the given
period
 as a lead of outdoor sports.
Similarly
, jogging/running rose from over 5% in 1990 to below 15% in 2000,
then
 showed
sligth
Correct your spelling
slight
 fluctuations and
close
Wrong verb form
closed
show examples
 the
period
 with 15%.
On the other hand
, ball games began the
period
 as lead sport with nearly 35% of participation
then
 decreased dramatically to close 20% at the present day.
Liwise
Correct your spelling
Likewise
, biking/roller skating started as
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
popular
Correct quantifier usage
most popular
show examples
 sport with 25%,
then
felt
Correct your spelling
fell
show examples
 to
close
Correct article usage
a close
show examples
20
Change preposition
to 20
show examples
% in 2000 and rose
insignificant
Change the adjective
insignificantly
show examples
 over 20%,
finally
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
 below 20%
at the end
 of the given
period
.
Submitted by alequech on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: