IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You would like a temporary job working in the summer camp which runs sports and outdoor activities for children and young people next summer. Write a letter to the organizers of the summer camp. In your letter: explain what sort of job you would like to do describe your personality say what experience and skills you have

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Dear Sir I am writing
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 letter to apply for the post of swimming instructor in the upcoming summer camp . I am finding myself well suited for
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 job because of the qualities that are required.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I am a trained swimmer from one of the reputed universities in Australia .
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 , I have been a part of a national level swimming competition and I won first prize in that.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 , I
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 have experience of swimming in one of the harshest channels, Antarctica.
Further
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,I
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 keep on participating in national
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 international competitions . I am the fittest candidate because of my intense training and I
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 know how to hold my breath in water for the longest time .
Along with
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 that , I
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 know all the strokes like back ,front ,and side ones . Kindly let me know if I fit your criteria. I am looking forward to getting a swift response. Yours sincerely Betty Parker

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task
The logical structure of the letter needs improvement. Ensure that you have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task
The greeting and closing are appropriate for a formal letter, but you could include the recipient's name if possible.
task
Each paragraph should focus on one main idea or topic. Consider organizing your ideas more clearly and using paragraphs to separate different pieces of information.
task
You did not provide a clear explanation of what job you would like to do in the summer camp. Be more specific about your role and responsibilities.
task
Your description of your personality is limited. Provide more details and explain why your personality traits would be beneficial in a summer camp setting.
task
Although you mentioned your swimming experience, try to provide more information about any relevant teaching or coaching experience you have.
task
You have mentioned your swimming achievements, but it would be more effective to explain how these experiences have enhanced your skills and abilities as a swimming instructor.
task
The letter lacks specific details about your skills and experiences. Provide more examples and evidence of your skills, such as your knowledge of teaching techniques or child safety.
coherence cohesion
Revise the overall structure and coherence of your letter. Use appropriate paragraphs and linking words to improve the flow of information.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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