You would like a temporary job working in the summer camp which runs sports and outdoor activities for children and young people next summer. Write a letter to the organizers of the summer camp. In your letter: explain what sort of job you would like to do describe your personality say what experience and skills you have

#job #summer #camp #sports #activities #children #people #organizers #sort #personality #skills

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Dear Sir I am writing

this

letter to apply for the post of swimming instructor in the upcoming summer camp . I am finding myself well suited for

this

job because of the qualities that are required.

Firstly

, I am a trained swimmer from one of the reputed universities in Australia .

Secondly

, I have been a part of a national level swimming competition and I won first prize in that.

Moreover

, I

also

have experience of swimming in one of the harshest channels, Antarctica.

Further

also

keep on participating in national

as well as

international competitions . I am the fittest candidate because of my intense training and I

also

know how to hold my breath in water for the longest time .

Along with

that , I

also

know all the strokes like back ,front ,and side ones . Kindly let me know if I fit your criteria. I am looking forward to getting a swift response. Yours sincerely Betty Parker

Submitted by lkapila25 on Fri Oct 06 2023

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task

The logical structure of the letter needs improvement. Ensure that you have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

task

The greeting and closing are appropriate for a formal letter, but you could include the recipient's name if possible.

task

Each paragraph should focus on one main idea or topic. Consider organizing your ideas more clearly and using paragraphs to separate different pieces of information.

task

You did not provide a clear explanation of what job you would like to do in the summer camp. Be more specific about your role and responsibilities.

task

Your description of your personality is limited. Provide more details and explain why your personality traits would be beneficial in a summer camp setting.

task

Although you mentioned your swimming experience, try to provide more information about any relevant teaching or coaching experience you have.

task

You have mentioned your swimming achievements, but it would be more effective to explain how these experiences have enhanced your skills and abilities as a swimming instructor.

task

The letter lacks specific details about your skills and experiences. Provide more examples and evidence of your skills, such as your knowledge of teaching techniques or child safety.

coherence cohesion

Revise the overall structure and coherence of your letter. Use appropriate paragraphs and linking words to improve the flow of information.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

6 paragraphs

165 words

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Governments should focus their spending on public services rather than on the art (e.g. Music and painting). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Kids are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Nowadays people are living increasing an increasing longer life and in many countries, there are more old people than young people. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

Nowadays,many people choose to be self-employed, than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self employed?