You would like a temporary job working in the summer camp which runs sports and outdoor activities for children and young people next summer. Write a letter to the organizers of the summer camp. In your letter: explain what sort of job you would like to do describe your personality say what experience and skills you have
Dear Sir
I am writing
this
letter to apply for the post of swimming instructor in the upcoming summer camp . I am finding myself well suited for this
job because of the qualities that are required. Firstly
, I am a trained swimmer from one of the reputed universities in Australia . Secondly
, I have been a part of a national level swimming competition and I won first prize in that. Moreover
, I also
have experience of swimming in one of the harshest channels, Antarctica.
Further
,I also
keep on participating in national as well as
international competitions . I am the fittest candidate because of my intense training and I also
know how to hold my breath in water for the longest time . Along with
that , I also
know all the strokes like back ,front ,and side ones .
Kindly let me know if I fit your criteria. I am looking forward to getting a swift response.
Yours sincerely
Betty ParkerSubmitted by lkapila25 on
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task
The logical structure of the letter needs improvement. Ensure that you have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
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The greeting and closing are appropriate for a formal letter, but you could include the recipient's name if possible.
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Each paragraph should focus on one main idea or topic. Consider organizing your ideas more clearly and using paragraphs to separate different pieces of information.
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You did not provide a clear explanation of what job you would like to do in the summer camp. Be more specific about your role and responsibilities.
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Your description of your personality is limited. Provide more details and explain why your personality traits would be beneficial in a summer camp setting.
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Although you mentioned your swimming experience, try to provide more information about any relevant teaching or coaching experience you have.
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You have mentioned your swimming achievements, but it would be more effective to explain how these experiences have enhanced your skills and abilities as a swimming instructor.
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The letter lacks specific details about your skills and experiences. Provide more examples and evidence of your skills, such as your knowledge of teaching techniques or child safety.
coherence cohesion
Revise the overall structure and coherence of your letter. Use appropriate paragraphs and linking words to improve the flow of information.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite