the table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies bewteeb 1975 and 2015.

#percentage #participation #women #management #three #companies #bewteeb

The table depicts information about the

participants

Change to a genitive case

participant's

participants'

show examples

proportions who were women in senior management in three different organizations

such

as Eldan

Ltd

, Bamforth

Ltd

Finsbury

Correct word choice

and Finsbury

show examples

Ltd

, over a 40-year period, starting from 1975.

Overall

, it can be seen that the involvement of female participants in Eldan

Ltd

company got the highest quantities than any other company.

Further

, The

finsbury

Change the capitalization

Finsbury

show examples

Ltd

industry remained unstable

Correct your spelling

show examples

percentage over the period shown. Looking at the data sets in more detail, it is evident that the percentage of women in Eldan remained constant between 1975 and 1980, at about 3%.

However

, it started to from 1985, which is 14%.

But

Correct word choice

However

show examples

female numbers increased dramatically to 64% in 2015, where it received the highest quantity of participants. Turning to the remaining data sets in more detail, it is shown that the company of Bamforth

Ltd

Constantly rose the women applications from 1975 to 2015, which is from 9% to 46%. Surprisingly, The percentage of

Correct article usage

the finsbury

show examples

finsbury

Change the capitalization

Finsbury

show examples

Ltd

industry fluctuated every time,

such

as 16% in 1975, 14% in 1980

then

it increased to 22%. And again it fell to 20% in 2000.

Submitted by salimmd9111 on Sun Oct 08 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words ltd with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "sets" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

186 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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