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Band 5.5

In many societies, elderly people often live in retirement homes. This is not appropriate because families should always care for their aging members. Do you agree?

#societies #people #retirement #homes #families #care #members
It is often found that many children often assign their old
parents
 to live in
retirement
 places.
This
 sparks controversy because families should care for their
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 members. In my opinion,
this
 decision is a matter of personal and cultural values,
as well as
 other background reasons. I personally agree that families have to take care of each other, especially for older
parents
.
While
 it may be common in
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 households to do so, in most Asian cultures, it is inappropriate to not look after the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 members. More or less, it is a form of responsibility and love towards
them
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who
also
 did the same thing to us as children, especially when we were babies. It might be difficult to keep an eye on our
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
parents
, which is familiar for families to recruit nannies for
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
.
However
, there are certain cases in which it is tolerated to let the
retirement
 institutions handle them.
For instance
, older
parents
 who have specific physical or mental health conditions that need to be taken care of by professionals. In another case, there are family members who are not economically or mentally stable to guard their old
parents
.
Hence
, they require the help of
retirement
 organizations.
Nevertheless
, it is a huge responsibility for us children to be able to give our best to look after our old
parents
. For
me
Add a comma
me,
show examples
 it is a basic manner to give back good deeds for them. Despite that, for certain conditions, assigning elderly people to live in
retirement
 homes is completely understandable.
Submitted by aspfaradita on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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