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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the annual visitor spend for visitors to new Zealand from 5 countries for the years 1996 to 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the annual visitor spend for visitors to new Zealand from 5 countries for the years 1996 to 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#visitor #visitors #zealand #countries #years #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The provided line chart illustrates the amount of expenditure of tourists from five different countries namely Australia,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
, Japan, and China, to New Zealand
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1996 until 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, Australia allocated the highest expenditure of tourism to New Zealand from the beginning to the end,
while
Linking Words
 China had the lowest (except 2001-2005).
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
with,
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 Australia spent the highest cost of visitors to New Zealand with the peak at 2,450
NZ
Use synonyms
$ respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, China had the lowest spending and got the lowest peak in 1996 (at 100
NZ
Use synonyms
$, respectively).
Moreover
Linking Words
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 was in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place which started and ended below 2,000
NZ
Use synonyms
$. It exhibited a fluctuating pattern.
Additionally
Linking Words
, Japan and
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 had similar trends, which were
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
fluctuation trends. Japan was ranked number three
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1996 until 2006 (with
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 average cost under 1,500
NZ
Use synonyms
$), but it was passed by
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 which
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
finished in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
third place
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the end.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words nz with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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