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Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram below shows the typical stages of consumer goods manufacturing, including the process by which information is fed back to earlier stages to enable adjustment.

The diagram below shows the typical stages of consumer goods manufacturing, including the process by which information is fed back to earlier stages to enable adjustment.
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The illustration demonstrates the different
stages
Use synonyms
 of consumer goods manufacturing and the
process
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 of information
feedback
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. At first
glance
Add a comma
glance,
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it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
overall
Linking Words
process
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 contains more than ten
stages
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. The linear diagram is shown by
flow
Add an article
the flow
a flow
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 of information
feedback
Use synonyms
 and
manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing
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process
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. The first
stage
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 of
manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing
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process
Use synonyms
began
Wrong verb form
begins
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 when raw materials and manufactured components are sorted out
to
Change preposition
for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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storage.
Then
Linking Words
 it goes through production planning
along with
Linking Words
 the design which was made by product research. At the third
stage
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 assembly and inspection occurs. If the testing is positive the
process
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 continues by packaging equipment. In the
last
Linking Words
Use synonyms
stages
Add a comma
stages,
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 it despatches and goes to the sales. The
process
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 of information
feedback
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 involves
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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stages
Use synonyms
 than the other one.
First
Correct article usage
The first
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feedback
Use synonyms
 happens at the second
stage
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 of manufacturing, production planning, where it sends
feedback
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 to storage.
Then
Linking Words
 at the
stage
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 of sales, testing, and market
research
Add a comma
research,
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 the
process
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repeat
Change the verb form
repeats
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 again.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words stages, process, feedback, stage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer goods manufacturing
  • stages
  • diagram
  • information feedback
  • adjustment
  • raw material extraction
  • processing
  • component manufacturing
  • assembly
  • packaging
  • overview
  • feedback loop
  • summarize
  • main points
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