IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages of damaging such areas?

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It is said that individuals should look for places where
sources
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 of
oil
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 and gas can be found
,
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apply
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 since more and more of them are needed.
This
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 essay would argue that despite these products can lead to an industrial revolution, they
also
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 cause environmental damage, which means that the advantages do not outweigh the drawbacks. The advantage is that
oil
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 and gas hosts can lead to an industrial revolution, allowing more people to have employment opportunities, since in some jobs more workers would be needed, in
this
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 way, unemployed people will reduce.
Also
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,
oil
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 creates gasoline supplies, reducing its price, and contributing to economic growth and the sustainable development of the country.
For example
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, in Spain, the price of gasoline increased after the war between Russia and Ukraine began, because they lost a source where they could get petroleum.
However
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, I believe that
this
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 can be solved in other ways,
such
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 as the use of electric cars, where gasoline is not needed, and it won’t cause any harm to the planet. The great drawback is that it is harmful to the world. The main reason is that looking for
sources
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 in the natural environment is detrimental and has adverse effects on nature. Excessive use of fossil fuels and
oil
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, and gas extraction leads to a surge in global temperatures affecting green areas. Causing damage in natural areas and spreading diseases affecting humans and animals, the ecosystem will be disturbed
due to
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 human intervention.
For instance
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, because of climate change,
sources
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 of fresh water are reducing, which causes life danger for all living things, since they need water to live.
Therefore
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, I would argue that the disadvantages of touching natural areas for energy
sources
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 are more significant than the benefits. In conclusion,
although
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 searching for resources in the natural environment will increase the number of employment and the economy of the country, it will scarce the essential resources that living things need, for these reasons, the negatives far outnumber the positives.

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task achievement
While your response is complete and addresses both advantages and disadvantages, you should ensure that all ideas are clear and fully developed. Particularly, consider expanding on how electric cars and other alternatives could offset the need for oil and gas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay generally has a logical structure, but some transitions between points could be smoother. For example, linking sentences or phrases can help guide the reader through your arguments more seamlessly.
task achievement
Include more specific examples, especially when discussing broader points like economic growth and environmental impact. These will help solidify your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all your paragraphs are well-linked. The second paragraph might benefit from a clearer connection to your thesis statement.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the issue and your position, which is a strong start.
coherence cohesion
Conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and reinforces your main point, which is very important for coherence.
task achievement
You have included specific examples, such as the situation in Spain, which adds credibility to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unprecedented
  • unspoiled
  • hydrocarbon exploration
  • biodiversity
  • sustainable energy
  • renewable resources
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental degradation
  • ecosystem conservation
  • indigenous rights
  • climate resilience
  • habitat destruction
  • infrastructure development
  • technological advancements
  • economic stimulus
  • social unrest
  • environmental conservation
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