IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we care about them. Others think that there are better ways to show affection to them. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

Use synonyms
Relationship
Add an article
The relationship
A relationship
show examples
 is an important part of our everyday life. Some people claim that giving gifts and presents is important to
support
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 between family and
friends
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 argue that there are better ways to show affection to them.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my personal point of view, giving presents is a good way to
support
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
relationship
Correct article usage
a relationship
show examples
 but at the same
time
Use synonyms
, we should remember other ways of caring
them
Change preposition
for them
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as spending free
time
Use synonyms
 and talking with close ones. On the one hand, everyone
like
Replace the word
likes
show examples
give
Fix the infinitive
to give
show examples
 and receive presents. It makes us
feeling
Change the form of the verb
feel
show examples
 special and glorious. It is a feeling that came from our childhood. One of the best
example
Change to a plural noun
examples
show examples
 is presents that children receive
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for
Birthday
Fix the agreement mistake
birthdays
show examples
,
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Christmas or any other special events. In
this
Linking Words
 way, parents or relatives show their love and care about them.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in our elderly
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, we love to share the same feelings with
friends
Use synonyms
 and colleagues.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, relatives and
friends
Use synonyms
 require other kinds of care. It is important to spend your free
time
Use synonyms
 with family, be helpful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
friends
Use synonyms
 and be ready to come and
support
Use synonyms
 them in their difficult situations. My father is a good example to
support
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 point of view. I learned a lot from him. He is always ready to help. Once my uncle got in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 car accident and lost his arm, my father had been communicating and spending free
time
Use synonyms
 with him for nearly two months to make him feel better To summarize all mentioned above, giving presents to
friends
Use synonyms
 and family is important. It supports the
relationship
Use synonyms
 with each other. But despite
this
Linking Words
 fact, it is crucial to communicate with them,
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 your free
time
Use synonyms
 and be ready to come in their difficult
time
Use synonyms

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs improvement. Consider organizing the ideas in a more coherent manner.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but can be further developed to provide a clearer overview of the essay's content.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas and arguments.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: