Some educators believe that every child should be thought how to play musical instruments. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#educators #child #instruments

I strongly believe that

this

academy is best suited for me because

this

educational institution has provided

this

type of course

since

Change preposition

for

show examples

70 years and

this

is the oldest

university

in the UK.

This

university

ranked 16th in England for social mobility impact, received Enterprising

ethos

Capitalize word

Ethos

show examples

which

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

only few universities have

this

type of award and 4th

ranked

Verb problem

apply

show examples

in Research Excellence. Even though

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

all the information provided on the

university

website is very clear

therefore

everyone can understand it very easily.

Additionally

this

university

provides me some various facilities like sports and physical activity.

Moreover

, students find

chance

Add an article

the chance

a chance

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

succeed, whatever they are background and specialist sports laboratories,

brand-new

Correct article usage

a brand-new

show examples

school of physics, engineering and computer science building will open in 2024 for learning zones, workshops, laboratories and flexible learning environments.

University

also

provides student accommodation with various facilities like single, 2 single & 4ft

bed

Fix the agreement mistake

beds

show examples

, mini-fridge, kitchen deep cleaned and ottoman unit with seating and storage drawers. Within

this

University

enterprise

zone

Fix the agreement mistake

zones

show examples

provide clusters of excellence that respond to national and regional demands, providing students and

business

Fix the agreement mistake

businesses

show examples

with access to funding and specialist business

start-up

Fix the agreement mistake

start-ups

show examples

, innovation and growth

project

Fix the agreement mistake

projects

show examples

Submitted by er.lerulal on Tue Oct 10 2023

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task achievement

The essay does not address the given topic. The prompt asks about whether every child should be taught how to play musical instruments, but the essay talks about a specific university and its facilities. Make sure to focus on the topic and provide arguments for or against every child learning to play musical instruments.

coherence cohesion

The essay lacks coherence and cohesion. The ideas are not organized in a logical manner, and the paragraphs are not well-connected. Use clear topic sentences and transitions to improve the structure and flow of the essay.

lexical resource

The essay has limited vocabulary and lacks variety in word choice. Expand your vocabulary by using synonyms and more specific terms.

grammatical range and accuracy

The essay has several grammatical errors and lacks sentence variety. Work on improving your grammar and sentence structure to enhance the clarity of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

190 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some educators believe that every child should be thought how to play musical instruments. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Scientists found that most crimes are committed by people who lack education. Some people think that the best way to reduce the crime rate is to provide prisoners with education because it will help them find a job when they leave prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?