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Band 2

Some educators believe that every child should be thought how to play musical instruments. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#educators #child #instruments
I strongly believe that
this
 academy is best suited for me because
this
 educational institution has provided
this
 type of course
since
Change preposition
for
show examples
 70 years and
this
 is the oldest
university
 in the UK.
This
university
 ranked 16th in England for social mobility impact, received Enterprising
ethos
Capitalize word
Ethos
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 which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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only few universities have
this
 type of award and 4th
ranked
Verb problem
apply
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in Research Excellence. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 all the information provided on the
university
 website is very clear
therefore
 everyone can understand it very easily.
Additionally
,
this
university
 provides me some various facilities like sports and physical activity.
Moreover
, students find
chance
Add an article
the chance
a chance
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of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 succeed, whatever they are background and specialist sports laboratories,
brand-new
Correct article usage
a brand-new
show examples
 school of physics, engineering and computer science building will open in 2024 for learning zones, workshops, laboratories and flexible learning environments.
University
also
 provides student accommodation with various facilities like single, 2 single & 4ft
bed
Fix the agreement mistake
beds
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, mini-fridge, kitchen deep cleaned and ottoman unit with seating and storage drawers. Within
this
University
 enterprise
zone
Fix the agreement mistake
zones
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 provide clusters of excellence that respond to national and regional demands, providing students and
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 with access to funding and specialist business
start-up
Fix the agreement mistake
start-ups
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, innovation and growth
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
show examples
.
Submitted by er.lerulal on

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task achievement
The essay does not address the given topic. The prompt asks about whether every child should be taught how to play musical instruments, but the essay talks about a specific university and its facilities. Make sure to focus on the topic and provide arguments for or against every child learning to play musical instruments.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion. The ideas are not organized in a logical manner, and the paragraphs are not well-connected. Use clear topic sentences and transitions to improve the structure and flow of the essay.
lexical resource
The essay has limited vocabulary and lacks variety in word choice. Expand your vocabulary by using synonyms and more specific terms.
grammatical range and accuracy
The essay has several grammatical errors and lacks sentence variety. Work on improving your grammar and sentence structure to enhance the clarity of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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