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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The two pie charts shows how many shopping sales sectors for retailing in Canada 2005 and 2012,compared to each year.

The two pie charts shows how many shopping sales sectors for retailing in Canada 2005 and 2012,compared to each year.
#two #sales #sectors #canada #year
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The two pie charts
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 how many shopping sales
sectors
Use synonyms
 for retailing in Canada
Change preposition
in
show examples
2005 and 2012,compared to each
year
Use synonyms
. The percentage from
2005
Change the article
the 2005
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 sharply increased
ar
Correct your spelling
are
show examples
 some sections in five years.As can be seen from the second pie chart,
food
Use synonyms
 and beverage goods Made a significant growth a small portion but it is a horse argument for a moment .
Furthermore
Linking Words
 only 5% of 2005
Use synonyms
year go
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 up which means online shopping
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 some
sectors
Use synonyms
 it’s not
that
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 popular as
food
Use synonyms
 shopping
.meanwhile
Correct your spelling
Meanwhile
 home furnishing
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 slightly different than electronics
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. because of going down it’s it for 10% out of
this
Linking Words
 total how much for all sales of
smallsmall
Correct your spelling
small
 minority for next five years in 2005 and 2010.
For example
Linking Words
 ,all upward trends
expand
Wrong verb form
expanded
show examples
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 14%
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
 downward trends
amounts
Change the verb form
amount
show examples
 to 15% the fractional difference
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 one percent doesn’t
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
show examples
 a lot. It’s clear that
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2010
year
Use synonyms
 old like shopping
got
Verb problem
became
show examples
 less popular in some
sectors
Use synonyms
 than
Use synonyms
food
Change preposition
in food
show examples
 and video games ,
however
Linking Words
 ,will
this
Linking Words
 mean that people find
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
this sector
these sectors
show examples
sectors
Use synonyms
(
food
Use synonyms
, video games)more practical to buy online
according to
Linking Words
 their preference
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sectors, year, food with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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